He would have used his voter's registration card, but he had mislaid it
Derek Calkins was arrested at his girlfriend's mother's house after he robbed a Pasadena bank by passing tellers a note written on one of the mother's checks.

Hi-Yo, Silver, away!
Two trustees working at the Ramsey II unit's horse barn escaped the prison on horses.

But Maxwell and Cassell didn't bite
Police arrested 108 suspects wanted on outstanding warrants by inviting them to show up to claim free tickets to a Rockets game.

He thought someone was calling to offer him Rockets tickets
After a burglar stole Rick Davis's golf clubs, cell phone and pager, Davis -- who has caller ID -- dialed his pager, left his telephone number and got a return call from the thief, who was arrested.

My answering machine can kick your answering machine's butt
Houston gangs obtained their own unlisted numbers and equipped them with answering machines, the better to swap insults, threats and obscenities with rival gangs.

Next time she'll call the Better Business Bureau
Linda Marie Davis was so mad at the inferior cocaine she bought from a dealer that she dialed 911 to complain about him, then waited at a pay phone for police to arrive.

Linda Marie Davis told him it couldn't fail
Todd Warren Fisher backed his truck up to a credit union's automated teller machine, chained it to his ball hitch and dragged the cash machine away -- all of which, including his license plate number, was filmed by the location's security cameras.

Plus an "Arrest Me" tattoo on his forehead
Police asked citizens to be on the lookout for burglary suspect Jeffrey John Manibusan, who has tattoos of a peacock, octopus and Mickey Mouse on his left arm, a picture of Jesus and a tribal marking on his right arm, a dragon on his back and a teddy bear with the name "Susan" on his chest.

If it can find another NFL team, all is forgiven
Two Houston federal prosecutors got in Dutch for distributing the dubious Quadro Tracker device, which the FBI has declared bogus; proponents claim it can be used to find anything from lost golf balls to contraband to hidden treasure.

Of thee I sing
James Edward Tyson shot a bald eagle, had himself photographed holding it trophy-style and took the film to be processed at Wal-mart, where an employee notified the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Fine: $20,000.

He was on the Ken Hoffman Diet
An HISD investigation into its cafeteria operations led to the arrest of an employee for pilfering Twinkies and cereal.

Her plans to impersonate an IRS auditor, a bail bondsman or Dan Patrick didn't work out

Elizabeth Prantil got probation for posing as an attorney and taking on a personal injury case.

And if that doesn't do the trick, they'll bring in Fuhrman and Vannater
The family of a teenager who was fatally shot while handcuffed in a police car asked a judge to delay the HPD's internal investigation until the family could bring in Dennis Fung, the hapless LAPD criminalist from the O.J. Simpson case, to evaluate evidence.

The Easter Bunny barely escaped being flattened by the same guy
John Lienhard, the erudite host of public radio's "The Engines of Our Ingenuity," was walking his dogs when a motorist followed him onto a lawn and ran him down, breaking both his legs.

Then they interrogated him about the John Lienhard case
After Chris Hawkins plowed his 1985 Cadillac halfway through a southeast Houston home, injuring three children and two adult residents, he was cited for failure to drive in a single lane.

They were doing a slow burn
Three women who had just torched the car of a romantic rival were stopped by a Baytown cop who noticed that two of them had smoking hair.

Quentin Tarantino asked if he could come, too
Judge W.R. Voight ordered a teenager convicted of a drive-by shooting to attend an autopsy so he could appreciate the effects of violent crime.

Smile and the world smiles with you; smirk and you smirk alone
Visiting judge Allen Stilley tacked another three years onto Tony Lanell Moore's 12-year sentence when he noticed him smirking during a statement by the aunt of the youth he helped murder.

It was worse when they hauled Mother Teresa in on littering charges and booked her as Teresa Rodriguez

Seventy-nine-year-old Lucille White was jailed for a month on kidnapping charges after she took her husband of 59 years, a ward of Harris County, from a Houston nursing home and drove him to Longview in hopes of admitting him to a better facility. Upon her transfer to the Harris County Jail, she was denied bail when authorities mistook her for Lucille Davis, a woman with a rap sheet; Marvin Zindler had to spring her.

Somewhere, Lee Strasberg is smiling
Kevin Kyle Pever was charged with impersonating a police officer after he stopped a motorist, using a light blue car equipped with flashing lights and siren, and wrote a parking ticket. Police who arrested him at home found assorted weaponry, police shoulder patches, four pairs of handcuffs and a two-way police radio, which they used to call HPD dispatchers. They drove Pever to the police station, where he recommended a parking spot where he said the car would not be towed.

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