Mike Tyson loves them
The Mr. Raspada Refresqueria offered the Chupacabra, a $3 fresh-fruit ice cone named after the legendary flying beast that sucks goats' blood.

It was his version of a "Two-for-One" special
Samir Hannoush, proprietor of Renata's Restaurant, was accused of giving his customers' credit-card account numbers to counterfeiters in exchange for wine, beer and food.

Why Houston trial lawyers make Tyson look like an amateur
The Chronicle's Maxine Mesinger reported that bigtime Houston trial lawyer Earle Lilly was "the first person I've ever watched devour a five-pound lobster all by himself. It was awesome...."

Earle Lilly ordered a dozen
Russian chef Boris Bugerenko turned out burger-shaped birthday cakes layered with fake tomato, cheese and lettuce in the downtown-tunnel Kolache Shoppe.

They tried Visine, but it didn't have that je ne sais quoi
The Houston-based Minute Maid Co. recalled 6,500 cases of its Berry Punch because there might have been a cleaning product in the drink.

Jeez, George Bush was right
Coupon ads in the Chronicle touted "Mann's Broccamole, a great-tasting, fat-free dip or spread."

And you should try her pumpernickel
Continental Airlines sued a pilot's ex-wife for spiking her homemade rye bread with marijuana, which caused the pilot to fail a random drug test.

Tony Vallone is taking a wait-and-see attitude
Brown & Root signed an exclusive agreement to engineer, manufacture, install, operate and maintain equipment designed to tenderize beef by blowing it up in a dynamite-like explosion.

But they were really, really big French fries
Two Aeros hockey players -- indicted for assaulting police in a drunken bar brawl in which food, food baskets and chairs were alleged to have sailed through the air -- griped that only a few French fries had been thrown.

It made pretty good Chupacabras, too
Four NASA volunteers in a Clear Lake City test chamber shared 30 gallons of water a day, recycling every drop -- including their own urine -- into showers, drinking water and clothes-washing water.

We were with you until the broccoli cole slaw
Chronicle columnist Ken Hoffman ran the following recipe for "Aunt Joycie's Doggie Birthday Cake": Mix together 2 large cans of dog food, 2 cups of cooked rice and one-half cup of oatmeal. Place mixture in a springform pan placed directly on a serving tray. Chill in refrigerator 2 to 3 hours. To decorate the top of the cake: Place one fried egg in the center. Use one can of sardines and 4 ounces of cheese, cut into matchsticks, to form spokes radiating from the egg. Place 5 hot dogs, sliced into coins, to fill the spaces between the spokes. Finally, use one package of broccoli cole slaw to garnish around the platter. Keep chilled. Serves 8 to 10 dogs.

Politics as Usual

It's not nice to fool Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa's lawyer asked perennial candidate Sam "Texas" Fayad to stop implying that she endorsed him by running her photo in his campaign flier under the headline "Good People Think This Man Should Be Your City Councilman."

Sam "Texas" Fayad only wished he'd thought of it
City Council candidate Herschel Smith distributed 50,000 "prayer rocks" along with his campaign fliers.

Not to mention brutishly uncomprehending
At a Chinese New Year festival celebrating the Year of the Ox, Harris County Republicans distributed pamphlets asserting that "Republicans have a strong connection to the ox, which symbolizes perseverance and hard work in all endeavors in the field. Like an ox, Republicans have a great sense of responsibility, are likely to be thrifty and tend to be stubborn."

That's exactly what scares us, Jerry
Declaring himself a candidate for land commissioner, state Senator Jerry Patterson suggested his authorship of the state's concealed handgun law made him a front-runner, saying, "I suspect that of 145,000 concealed handgun licenses, most of them are voters in the Republican primary."

When faced with an ignorant Yankee, I rely on: A) my shotgun; B) the closest jug of moonshine; C) the self-esteem bestowed by claiming a proud ethnic heritage

After a Yankee Senate aide referred to backers of a Tom DeLay plan to overhaul federal highway funding as "hillbillies," the majority whip from Sugar Land proudly urged colleagues to take a "hillbilly test" to see if their states had reached "hillbilly-hood."

Hillbillies vs. Cheeseheads
During congressional debate over finance reform, Tom DeLay and Democratic Representative David Obey of Wisconsin cursed and shoved each other, appearing ready to trade blows until an aide stepped in to separate them.

Don't worry, we will
City Council candidate Dave Wilson's web site contained a link to the web page he had previously set up to fight affirmative action, because, he explained, "I want people to identify me as that same yahoo."

Et tu, Lupe?
In April, at Rob Mosbacher's mayoral kickoff, civic activist Lupe Fraga introduced him as "the next mayor ... my friend and compadre"; but several months later he switched his endorsement to Lee Brown, saying, "I really didn't know who was running."

It was Lupe Fraga's idea
Rob Mosbacher invited City Council members to his campaign kickoff in Sam Houston Park, just across the street from their City Hall offices, and offered them free transportation.

Memo to Joe: Think Hugh Grant
After state Senator Drew Nixon of Carthage was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover cop, Houston state Representative Joe Nixon worked the floor of the House telling folks it was that other guy, lamenting, "It would be terrible if people thought I did it."

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