Do you have sex with the lights off and your eyes closed? Well, then, according to Dr. David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships, you're not having the electrifying "wall-socket sex" you're capable of. Schnarch, a pioneer advocate of "eyes-open sex," will talk about this and other passion-building techniques in a lecture at the Park Plaza Warwick Hotel, 5701 Main, from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. Call the Marriage and Family Health Center at (303)670-2630 for more information about the lecture and Schnarch's return in November for a "Couples Enrichment Weekend."
Donald Byrd/The Group's Jazz Train has an unfortunate name. It conjures up images of dancers grinning at the audience and fluttering their opened hands in a sell-me-the-song kind of Broadway number. Let me assure you that this is not the case. The dance performance gets its name not from traditional jazz dancing but from nightclub-based jazz music, specifically the original compositions of acclaimed young composers Max Roach, Vernon Reid and Geri Allen. The Alvin Ailey-trained Byrd's modern choreography is simply the physical embodiment of this sound. If you need further convincing, The New York Times said that Jazz Train "brought to mind Martha Graham's notion of dancers as divine acrobats." Donald Byrd/The Group performs at 8 p.m. at the Wortham Center's Cullen Theater, 500 Texas. Call (713)227-ARTS or (800)828-ARTS for tickets. $22-$32.
It's ugly, sort of smelly, and sometimes floods downtown, but this weekend "The Bayou Beckons," and people are actually going in. Kayakers and canoe paddlers will race the 15 miles of murky water from the San Felipe bridge at Voss to Sesquicentennial Park, where participants in the "Anything That Floats Parade" will putter around in hopes that their bathtubs, icebergs and other artistic contraptions live up to the parade's name. Moms who want to keep their kids dry can occupy them with the School of Fish Education Pavilion, where they'll learn about protecting the bayou through hands-on activities. The race begins at 9 a.m.; a picnic party and awards ceremony follows; registration is $25. The parade begins at 1:30 p.m.; registration is $10. The education pavilion is open from 10:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Rain date: Sunday, May 2. Sesquicentennial Park, 400 Texas. Call (713)654-8900 for more information. Free.
Leave it to the Museum of Fine Arts film department to bring us something we didn't even know we wanted: Egyptian musicals. Though little-known to Westerners, these films are as loved and familiar on the Nile as The Wizard of Oz is in America. They have their own screen sirens, their own comfy character actors, even their own Shirley Temple, except they call her Fayruz. Today, Love in Karnack, a movie about a folkloric dance troupe that L.A. Weekly called an "Egyptian Riverdance," screens at 5 p.m., and The Flirtation of Girls, a December-May romance considered to be the best Egyptian musical ever produced, plays at 7 p.m. On Saturday, May 1, Dahab features the aforementioned Shirley Temple; Daughters of Eve tells the story of a department store owner who trains her female employees to use judo on the men who challenge their authority, and Every Beat of My Heart cha-chas through a fabulous '50s romantic comedy. On Friday, April 30, Egypt's most popular contemporary singer, Amir Diyab, stars in Ice Cream in Gleam. Brown Auditorium, Museum of Fine Arts, 1001 Bissonnet, (713)639-7515. $5.
Vinny Schillaci hates Rogaine. He thinks it's doing to men what the cosmetics industry has done to women, i.e., making them into vain, neurotic freaks never satisfied with their physical appearances. To Schillaci, going bald is a good thing, and to make his point, he has established "Bald Monday" at his Seabrook restaurant, Neptune Subs. On the first Monday of every month, "the more you shine, the cheaper you dine." This means that men without even a single hair on their heads (shaved heads count) eat for free, and if you're, say, 65% bald, you get a 65% discount. Baldness quotients are determined by Schillaci himself at the cash register. Most women may be out of luck in terms of free food, but Schillaci says they come in on Bald Mondays anyway, "looking for that special bald guy." 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Neptune Subs, 1917 Highway 146, Seabrook, (281)474-3973.
Mid-century France was a pleasant place to be. After years of war, the French public demanded pretty, humanistic images, and the local photojournalists -- namely Robert Doisneau, Willy Ronis, Edouard Boubat, Janine Niepce, Henri-Cartier Bresson and Brassaē -- were more than happy to oblige them. John Cleary Gallery's new show, "Images Francaises de la Vie," is full of these feel-good photos of children, bistros, flowers, lovers and simple pleasures. The exhibit is open 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday. John Cleary Gallery, 2635 Colquitt (on Gallery Row). Call (713)524-5070 for more information. Free.