Pain in the Ass

Really?

Robert, the mechanic, gravely nodded. He even explained the test he had run to determine it.

"Ooh, isn't that interesting," said Ray Moon. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the coils in this car."

The chain began at the Kuykendahl store, and it was there we decided finally to get the repair. Remembering what Byron, the ASS mechanic in Katy, had said -- "if you don't use Motorcraft, you're going to be dead on the side of the road in 30 days" -- we specifically requested Motorcraft parts.

Of course, said Andy Winters, and the transaction was soon complete.

For what it's worth, if you are handy, you could buy Motorcraft plugs and wires from a Ford dealer and do this job yourself for about $165. Or, if you went the Pep Boys route, you could do it for about $80.

ASS Inc. charged $371.31. When Ray opened the hood, he found 99-cent spark plugs and the gray wires of Pep Boys' generic.

"They sold you cheap junk," said Ray.

---

None of the six ASS shops we visited found the mass air flow problem. Ray's take on the whole thing was that people make a mistake when they choose a mechanic by the size of his Yellow Pages ad and the luxury of his facility.

Back at ASS headquarters, when we laid the results out before Todd Hayes, it was hard to tell whether his hue were a tropical tan or the purple of apoplexy. "That would be a disappointment," he said, if we were promised Motorcraft parts and didn't receive them. "That would be a disappointment," he said again, if ASS technicians were replacing new air filters. "That is unfortunate," he said of Von Chryer and the coils.

"But here's the thing," said Hayes, snapping his fingers. "He's gone. If it's an issue of integrity, you're terminated. Period."

Hayes confessed finally that ASS did indeed have a few problems and that he was brought back in December to rectify them. He would not specify what these problems were but he said they resulted from the fast growth of the company. In any case, since January, he said he had fired 45 managers in Houston alone.

Perhaps because of the file at the Better Business Bureau, the company has also decided to change its slogan. "Service you swear by. Not at." has been pitched out in favor of the indisputable "America's Service Station, where service is our middle name."

Complaints, meanwhile, continue to pour in the BBB. There have been 33 so far this year, six in May alone. ASS is working hard to answer those complaints, and Hayes promised that the concerns we identified would be addressed as well. He made the point that he didn't have to talk with the Press.

"I plead with you to treat us as kindly as you can," Hayes said. "We're doing the best job we can do, and I guarantee we're better than anyone in the industry."

E-mail Randall Patterson at randall. patterson@houstonpress.com.