Two Girls Talking Bad

[Telephone rings]

"Hey, CeCe. How you doin', girl?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Whatcha doing this weekend?"

"I'm going to a theater downtown. Cullen Theater, in Wortham Center."

"To see what?"

"It's called I Can Do Bad All By Myself."

"Aw, shit, girl. You gonna see one of them damn gospel plays?"

"It's not a gospel play. It's an 'inspirational comedy.'"

"Do they got people singing songs about God?"

"Yeah."

"Is it about a family striving with the help of God?"

"Yeah."

"Did they advertise it on Majic 102?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's a gospel play, heifer!"

"Well, so what if it is?"

"Shit, why do the only time you ever see black people at the theater, it's for one of them loud-ass gospel plays, like One Monkey Don't Stop No Show or Your Arms Are Too Short to Box with God or Mama Done Drunk Up All the Kool-Aid? They got all those characters screaming and yelling about how times are hard and then break out into one of those Bobby Jones gospel songs. They don't do that stuff in Neil Simon."

"Girl, stop trippin'. Anyway, I heard that this play is good. It sold out audiences in New York and D.C. and New Orleans. It's about these two sisters trying to find some good men while taking care of their sick grandmother, who is played by the play's author, Tyler Perry."

"Tyler -- ain't that a man's name?"

"Yeah."

"So a man is playing the grandmother?"

"Yup."

"What kind of crazy freak shit is that?"

"You didn't say nothing when we saw Eddie Murphy play a grandmother in Nutty Professor II."

"Ain't but one Eddie Murphy out there."

"Hey, Tyler's got game. He's written other plays before, serious stuff like this autobiographical play called I Know I've Been Changed, about this man who was molested as a little boy."

"Shit, that is serious."

"Yeah, and before that, he was homeless. Now, he's got folks like Bishop T.D. Jakes, Steve Harvey and Iyanla Vanzant asking him to write plays for 'em."

"Are there other men in this play?"

"Yeah."

"So he wrote the play and the only role he wants to be is the grandmama?"

"It is a comedy."

"Well, I'll tell you this, girl. The minute that muthafucka comes out looking like Grandma Klump, somebody's gonna laugh."

[Laughs] "Say, I got an extra ticket. You wanna come with me?"

"I don't need to go see no 'inspirational comedy,' especially with all the blaspheming I've done in my life."

"Come on, girl. Stop acting like you ain't interested. Tell you what -- after we see the play, we'll go to one of those white clubs downtown and laugh at all the people trying to dance."

"All right, I'll go. But this better not be one of those plays they make fun of on Martin and The Wayans Bros."

"I'm sure it won't."

"And hey, don't forget to bring your big purse so I can sneak in some Crown Royal and a couple of cups."

"Girl, why you gotta be so ghetto?"

"Hey, if I'm gonna sit through this with all those people screaming and carrying on onstage, I better be drinking something!"

[Laughs] "Girl, you a trip. Bye."

"Bye, girl."

[Click]