You just don't see front-page headlines like this very often: "Donkey Attempts to Mate Cow, Dies of Gunshot."
The crime of passion was reported in the September 14 edition of the Fort Bend Sun, which bills itself as "Fort Bend County's Most Informative Newspaper." That's an assessment we won't disagree with after reading the story by reporter Seshadri Kumar.
Fort Bend County District Attorney John Healey will not charge anyone in connection with the crime, Kumar reported, because the person who fired the shot "felt the cow's life was in danger." (Thus also dismissing the theory that the shooter was a bull who had found his mate in flagrante delicto with the donkey.)
The cow's owner saw her animal on the ground, being kicked and bitten by two miniature donkeys (whose names, it turns out, are Jeb and Indy).
She fired several shots in the air with no results, Kumar reported. "She then," Kumar wrote, "fired in the donkey's direction and the cow was relieved."
We bet she was. As are we all. Except maybe Jeb, who paid the ultimate price for his lustful ways.