Put Down That Fish!

According to the Williamsons, the Scottish salmon you're holding may be bogus

The Williamsons have confronted several retailers, writing letters to the businesses. Their greatest ire has been directed at a mail-order catalog. The catalog lists mail-order beefsteaks for the most part, but the holiday catalog a few years ago had text going on about salmon that was served by the British royal family, was made in Scotland and was done according to techniques going back "more than 4,000 years."

"Was it served at the Last Supper?" Joe Williamson snorts. Research suggests that commercial smoking of salmon over whiskey barrel chips goes back to the 19th century, but no later. Regarding the royal family's tastes, Margaret Williams dispatched a letter to Colonel Christopher Pickup (OBE); the secretary of the Royal Warrant Holders Association located in Buckingham Palace. The good knight had his assistant secretary reply that "As an Association we cannot get involved in trading matters and qualities of products" but was willing to opine the particular purveyor did not hold a royal warrant and was thus "not entitled to call himself Royal." An earlier letter about another claimant to the Queen's Custom was answered on Buckingham Palace stationery by the secretary to the Royal Household Tradesmen's Warrants Committee of the Lord Chamberlain's Office. That letter noted that based on "the differences in legislative practices in the United Kingdom, it would be more appropriate for the Embassy in Washington to respond." This is definitely classier than an e-mail from the Better Business Bureau or a spot on Akin's Army.

As long as the Williamsons are in business, there'll be nae spurious salmon-mongers sleeping easily in this republic.

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