Lay of the Land

That decision meant, of course, that he could no longer be the behind-the-scenes guru spreading his mysterious mojo all over Space City. Houston would have to get through 2002 on its own.

"I'm sorry that the coming year may not be as blessed as the last six months of 2001 were," Lay said as he tried to warn the public of hard times ahead.

Jay Bevenour

Jay Bevenour

A certain Rockets center went north to make way for superstar Cato.

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• National Basketball Association
• Houston Rockets
• Kenneth Lay
• College Basketball
• Politics

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Houstonians, filled with gratitude for all Lay had done, knew they had to look elsewhere for leadership.

But where could they find someone with the same magic touch? Who could provide the same unending bottom-line success?

Things looked grim indeed. And then they remembered: Hey, Larry Dierker's available.

(Any similarity between the characters in this parody and actual people -- living or dead -- is strictly intentional.)