Tenacious D

I'm a freak -- a freak for short, kinda squatty, balding, basic loser-type guys who have no clue they're losers. Their idea of working out is one pushup (without using their arms or their legs). Oh, and they gotta play heavy metal, fraught with nasty lyrics, on acoustic guitar only.

It's those two D-licious, D-lectable, Down 'n' D-irty guitar wizards known as Tenacious D. Guess the fact that they're a '70s wannabe band -- acoustic, mind you -- says a lot to explain the bridged generation gap. These guys are hotties for anyone age 16 to 60.

God forbid my family catches me watching my favorite bootleg video short, "Fuck Her Gently," by those who brought us Ren & Stimpy. Doin' her gently is the D's favorite love ballad. I, however, swoon to the strains of "Double Team," which conjures visions of the D's two fortysomething studs, K.G. (Kyle Gass) and J.B. (Jack Black), working over the luckiest woman in the world. "We don't mind suuuuuccking toes!" goes a refrain.

I shoved my husband and kids out the door for my utter escape: Me and the D. Alone.

When the first two seasons of HBO's Mr. Show with Bob and David -- a sick send-up of ensemble comedy that makes Laugh-In look like a manifesto from the Mormon church -- are released on DVD June 11, I'm throwin' down the plastic in hopes of spotting the 15 minutes allotted to Tenacious D shorts throughout the series.

Oh, I only wish it were their shorts, literally. I'd do their laundry, if only they believed in having it done. I'm so Pavlovized that when I hear the letter "D," my pheromones hit all systems alert. Thank God I'm not a preschool teacher.