Wheat meat Hard-core Texas carnivores may sniff disapprovingly at the concept of meatless barbecue, but in the right hands, simple, unassuming wheat gluten can be turned into a convincing doppelgänger of its fleshy counterpart. You're never going to get any closer to a chopped beef sandwich -- without hardening your coronary artery -- than the barbecue wheat roast ($6.95) at Naturally Yours Café (4830-A Almeda, 713-520-7694). The adhesive properties of the compressed wheat proteins create a textural similarity to brisket, and the seasonings do the rest; a respectable sauce completes the illusion. When the wheat roast is spilling over the sides of a toasted whole wheat bun with sliced dill pickles and red onion, you're not going to feel the least bit slighted. For the full effect, add a stack of homemade seasoned french fries the size of giant kindergarten crayons and a cold bottle of Red Stripe.