Burying the Past

A farewell slap to a Chronicle columnist

Cool Front

As if we weren't already known for being fat and polluted, Houston is seen as a lousy place to look for love, at least according to Forbes. The city took 18th in the magazine's annual ranking of best cities for singles. Houston not only dropped ten spots from last year, we had to watch as Austin got crowned Number One. According to Forbes reporter Davide Dukcevich, what's killing Houston is the city's lack of "coolness."

In a struggle to understand this absence of hipness, those at the Chron responded by interviewing the ubercool (and married) Jordy Tollett, president and CEO of the Greater Houston Convention and Visitors Bureau. He said plenty of singles would be very excited to attend such exciting upcoming Houston events as the Masters Tennis Cup. (Why, because hot chicks dig tennis? Or is it because this is the only game where love's a score?)

Oceanfront (and back) Property
If you can wade a bit and climb a rope, get your par-taying ass down to Galveston! Hurricane Claudette did what opponents of beachfront housing developments predicted: It changed the address of a lot of vacation homes from 123 Cute Beach Name St. to Somewhere in the Gulf, U.S.A. Homes such as this one — featuring 360-degree ocean views!! — aren’t much good for anything now (except generating attorney fees). Just be sure to take along plenty of batteries; we’re pretty sure the electricity will be spotty. And you should probably watch out for cops.
Since Claudette was a minor hurricane that didn’t hit Galveston head on, the future’s looking great in terms of party houses. Wealthy Texans insist on ignoring the hurricane threat and are building ever-more-ostentatious homes right on the beach. The good times are just starting!!                                                                                            — R.C.
Texas General Land Office
Oceanfront (and back) Property
If you can wade a bit and climb a rope, get your par-taying ass down to Galveston! Hurricane Claudette did what opponents of beachfront housing developments predicted: It changed the address of a lot of vacation homes from 123 Cute Beach Name St. to Somewhere in the Gulf, U.S.A. Homes such as this one — featuring 360-degree ocean views!! — aren’t much good for anything now (except generating attorney fees). Just be sure to take along plenty of batteries; we’re pretty sure the electricity will be spotty. And you should probably watch out for cops. Since Claudette was a minor hurricane that didn’t hit Galveston head on, the future’s looking great in terms of party houses. Wealthy Texans insist on ignoring the hurricane threat and are building ever-more-ostentatious homes right on the beach. The good times are just starting!! — R.C.
Scott Gilbert

The Chron interviewed several single folks who mostly disagreed with Forbes, including a 50-year-old man whose friends described him as "the ultimate single guy."

A 50-year-old dude described as "the ultimate single guy"? No wonder Houston's not hip. -- Jennifer Mathieu

Oceanfront (and back) Property

If you can wade a bit and climb a rope, get your par-taying ass down to Galveston! Hurricane Claudette did what opponents of beachfront housing developments predicted: It changed the address of a lot of vacation homes from 123 Cute Beach Name St. to Somewhere in the Gulf, U.S.A. Homes such as this one -- featuring 360-degree ocean views!! -- aren't much good for anything now (except generating attorney fees). Just be sure to take along plenty of batteries; we're pretty sure the electricity will be spotty. And you should probably watch out for cops.

Since Claudette was a minor hurricane that didn't hit Galveston head on, the future's looking great in terms of party houses. Wealthy Texans insist on ignoring the hurricane threat and are building ever-more-ostentatious homes right on the beach. The good times are just starting!! -- R.C.

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