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Trainspotting

Here's how Metro wants to sell us on light rail

A lot of those westsiders live in Houston, of course, but many live in places like Hedwig Village, Piney Point, and cities like Bellaire and West University Place.

Instead the big turnout will be inside the Loop, where voters tend to support rail. "They see rail and think it will give Houston a more urbane environment, and that's what they want," says Varoga. The biggest rail majorities in that 2001 vote came from neighborhoods like the Heights, the Museum District and the River Oaks area.

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Stein says he doesn't have specific polling numbers on Inner Loop residents but believes they'll be strong supporters this time also. "The yuppie type of voter tends to be more Democratic and Independent, and some don't even drive cars," he says. "A lot have moved here from other cities that already have rail, and they support it."

And all those westside and suburban voters who oppose visionary leadership because they're stuck with their selfish anti-tax ways? No rail for you. And hey, if you can't make it to the polls November 4, Metro will understand. No hard feelings.

Mayor Brown? Never Heard of Him

Outgoing Mayor Lee Brown has been relentless in his push for a light rail system. Given Brown's notorious inability to put together three public sentences without inducing narcolepsy, this hasn't exactly been a boon to rail planners.

Brown leaves office after six years with a rather mixed record. His supporters point to new arenas and stadiums; his detractors harp on a prevalent feeling of ineptitude and ennui that has enveloped City Hall.

If you like Lee Brown, you like rail and you don't need him to tell you so. If you're tepid or worse about Brown, having his name attached to the project is no great selling point.

"Metro is going to focus on the urban voter, and the opposition on the suburban voter, and the opponents are going to be calling [rail] Lee Brown's last big boondoggle," says political consultant Varoga. "They're going to be saying. 'This is Lee Brown's billion-dollar plan that won't benefit you at all.' It's a message that could work."

Metro won't say as much, but don't expect a lot of ads with a smiling Brown mumbling his way through some rail spiel.

"The danger on both sides is if this turns into a proxy battle between Lee Brown and Tom DeLay," Varoga says. "The swing voters are skeptical about both these figures."

Brown will work to increase turnout among his fans, such as they are.

Which is a shame for the rest of Houston. Now we will be deprived of one last chance to see Brown flash that off-kilter, they-told-me-to-smile-at-this-point grin. Gone will be the office pools on which cliché he mentions more in any given speech -- Houston's "can-do spirit" or its status as a "world-class city." (Bonus points awarded if he includes port statistics.) Unavailable will be the city's best drug to fight insomnia.

"There's a Lot of Rubbernecking..."

We're not saying this one will happen, but you never know. All we know is that we're trying to figure out the best way to stay off the roads the Monday before Election Day.

We're not saying that Metro would send roving bands of employees out into the afternoon rush hour to get into fender benders or to sit on the shoulder of the West Loop looking under a raised hood. Just because every Houstonian knows that any little slight hiccup in traffic flow grows exponentially as drivers slow down in order to be properly fascinated by someone changing a flat, it doesn't mean Metro would do anything to have freeway nightmares fresh in voters' minds the evening before Election Day.

If there's an 18-wheeler stalled in the fast lane on I-45, right near a billboard saying, "Vote yes for a rail line RIGHT HERE," we won't be suspicious.

If someone inadvertently bumps a fellow driver right next to a site for a proposed new Park & Ride lot, we'll call it coincidence.

If a full-figured blonde's engine troubles cause the Katy to be even more horrific than usual, we'll chalk it up to bad luck.

All we know is that we're staying off the roads. Until the traffic dies down.

Or until Metro sees its ten-point plan come to fruition and Houston finally starts on that long, strange trip to being world-class.

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