Helping Out a Roomie

City contracts for a pal turn into rent money for Mark Ellis

Q. Have you considered prison?

A. Yeah, except there are a lot of people that think that kind of thing is genetic.

Q. Maybe you could just do white- collar criminals.

Dan Pastorini, Houston legend
Dan Pastorini, Houston legend
Will the Super Bowl draw men to the sperm bank?
Will the Super Bowl draw men to the sperm bank?

A. Like the Fastows. I wonder how old he is.

Another Sports Legend

Dan "Dante" Pastorini, quarterback, Houston Oilers, 1971-79. Pastorini, known more for his partying ways than for his game-film study, led the Oilers to a series of playoff disappointments, including two losses in AFC championship games. *Career highlights: Killed two spectators and injured a half-dozen others when his speedboat careened out of control during a race at Lake Liberty in 1979. Was charged with public intoxication and assault on police officers in 1987 after cops pulled over the woman he was with, who was charged with drunken driving after going 100 miles per hour in her Porsche. Was believed by exactly no one when he told a reporter in 1985 that his drag-racing car "is my lady now" and added, "I don't have time for anyone else." Fifteen years after leaving the Oilers, sued the team for injecting him with "drugs and/or steroids and/or other substances" during his career. *Honors: Starred in a 2001 press release from the U.S. attorney's office in Wisconsin, which noted that the sports-betting company Dan Pastorini Sports falsely claimed that bettors could get info through Pastorini's "inside contacts"; the former QB actually did nothing but pose for promotional pictures. (The company's owner pleaded guilty to mail fraud.) Also starred in a Fantasy Island episode with Vic Tayback and Jayne Meadows. *Moment to Remember: Tossed Houston Chronicle columnist Dale Robertson, then with the Post, though a door and ripped his sports jacket in 1980, in a mismatch that was caught on television cameras.

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