THURSDAY, MAY 20
As the son of singer-songwriter Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Colin Gilmore's got music in his blood. But that doesn't mean he has the exact same tastes as his pop, who plays a blend of country, folk and rock. The younger Gilmore began his music career in Austin with a string of punk bands. Lately, he's come back around to his father's sound, but he still plays a random cover by the Clash here and there. 8:30 p.m. McGonigel's Mucky Duck, 2425 Norfolk. For information, call 713-528-5999 or visit www.mcgonigels.com. $10.
FRIDAY, MAY 21
Capoeira is the Brazilian equivalent of the spirituals sung by slaves in the Southern United States. Both were methods of resistance disguised as forms of artistic expression. The songs of the slaves in the South often contained secret messages about the underground railroad, while capoeira was a form of martial arts disguised as a dance. Today Society for Performing Arts presents DanceBrazil, a performance by some of the best capoeiristas in the world. Needless to say, these guys and gals kick ass. 8 p.m. Cullen Theater in the Wortham Center, 501 Texas. For information, call 713-227-4772 or visit www.spahouston.org. $37.
When most girls her age were just beginning to experiment with lipstick, Traci Lords was sticking her lips on, um, all kinds of things as an X-rated film star. In true Hollywood fashion, her "hard-earned" success eventually came crashing down when the feds stormed into her apartment and busted her for being underage. Since then, she's cleaned up her act and had some small parts in a few legit movies. Lords appears today at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema to promote her autobiography, Underneath It All, and to introduce John Waters's Crybaby, the 1990 flick in which she starred as Wanda Woodward. Woodward, eh? Feel free to make up your own pun with that one. 7:30 p.m. and 9:45 p.m. 1000 West Oaks Mall. For information, call 281-556-0204 or visit www.drafthouse.com. $9.
SATURDAY, MAY 22
Here's an event that Dr. Atkins would've been happy to clog an artery over. It's called BeefFest, and it's going to be a shameless orgy of flesh consumption. "It's beef in all its manifold forms," says Justin Harmon, one of the event's organizers. "We're also having one exotic meat selection, which we're trying to get to be camel. I'm having a little bit of trouble finding it, though." Harmon promises more than 200 pounds of beef prepared in a variety of ways, as well as ample beer and live music. So grab a bib and start chomping at 2 p.m. 1020L Arlington. For information, call 713-922-9840. Free, but donations are accepted.
Damn, with all that grilled flesh weighing down your gut, we bet you want to take a nap. Don't do it. Fight the urge and put on some nice clothes, 'cause tonight is your only chance to check out "David Hardaker: New Work." With cool colors and heartfelt personalities, Hardaker's paintings might be best described as hip realism. The one-day show is happening in a Midtown office area. "It is a raw space," says organizer Carrie Mitchell. "It's just walls and poles." So, if you're a Midtown yuppie who wants to feel underground, this is the place to be. 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. 1500 McGowen. For information, call 713-526-7667 or visit www.women-law.org.
SUNDAY, MAY 23
Jazz musicians talk about a "wall of sound." This is what happens when you get a bunch of players in a room and have them go at it, banging and blowing until the cacophony becomes so overwhelming that an unexpected harmony rises above the droning din. If you like it, it's improvisational music at its best. If you don't dig that kind of thing, then it just seems like a whole bunch of noise. At the Station tonight, top-notch players from the United States and Europe are gathering together for "Then Houston," an evening of creative improvised music. With more than a dozen musicians playing at the same time, the experience should be like going to the symphony on acid. It's up to you to decide whether that's a good thing. 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. 1502 Alabama. For information, call 713-529-6900 or visit www.artcarmuseum.com. Free.
MONDAY, MAY 24
Mondays suck. Not only are you hungover and strung out from the weekend, but chances are you're probably broke as well. Shoot your troubles away today at Under the Volcano, where the pool is free all night long. And if you've got a little cash to spare, we suggest you sip back a few frozen screwdrivers and plug some quarters into the juke (which, by the way, won the PressBest of Houston award last year). Hank Williams will make your problems seem like no big deal. 2 p.m. to 2 a.m. 2349 Bissonnet. For information, call 713-526-5282. Free.
TUESDAY, MAY 25
The Astros-Cubs rivalry is one of the biggest in baseball -- and also one of the sorriest. These two teams seem to battle it out year after year for the head of the National League Central Division. It's a vicious struggle to see which team will get the chance to have its ass kicked in the playoffs. Both teams are stepping on the field today after an off-season arms race, with the 'Stros picking up Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte and the Cubbies nabbing Greg Maddux. This is the first of 19 scheduled matchups this season, so the battle to see which team will disappoint its fans more has only begun. 7:05 p.m. Minute Maid Park, 501 Crawford. For tickets, call 877-927-8767 or visit www.astros.com. $5 to $40.