Thursday, June 3
Sometimes impressions are more real than originals. When Frank Caliendomimics the "boom! bam!" of John Madden on MAD TV, he seems to do it even better than Madden himself. Maybe the original is becoming softer in his older years, or maybe Caliendo is just funny as hell. Caliendo brings his stand-up routine to the Improv today. If you're lucky, you just might get to hear him mimic another tough talker: George W. Bush. 8:30 p.m. today; 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, June 4 and 5; 8 p.m. Sunday, June 6. 7620 Katy Freeway. For information, call 713-333-8800 or visit www.improv.com. $18 to $22.
Friday, June 4
If you've ever wanted to own a Dalí, well, here's your chance. More than 60 original works by Salvador Dalí -- that madcap, mustachioed surrealist -- are being sold this weekend at Off the Wall Gallery in the Galleria. That's right: You can buy a Dalí at the mall. The show features lithographs, etchings, mixed media and aquatints. The works are rare -- which basically means nobody's heard of 'em -- but you can still pick up a classic Dalí print (not to mention your name on a grain of rice) at a random kiosk by the ice rink. Lecture by appraiser Jerry Bengis at 7:30 p.m. today and Saturday, June 6. 5085 Westheimer, suite 3588. For information, call 713-871-0940. Free.
Now that you've got a real Dalí crammed next to the spare tire in your trunk, head down Richmond to Theatre Southwest for Neil Simon's Chapter Two. First things first: Simon never wrote a play called Chapter One, so don't try to impress anyone with an off-the-cuff remark about how you preferred the first one. Chapter Twois about a newly remarried man who's trying to start life over after the death of his first wife. (Now do you get the title?) For Simon, the play was a self-portrait of sorts: His wife of 20 years died in 1973, and he wrote the play in 1977 after remarrying. Opens at 8 p.m. today. Runs Fridays and Saturdays, through June 26. 8944A Clarkcrest. For information, call 713-661-9505 or visit www.theatresouthwest.org. $12 to $14.
Saturday, June 5
Margaret Cho is funny. Seriously. Whether she's talking about the odd overlap between the BDSM, RenFest and Star Trek communities or just riffing on her awkward relationship with her mother, she knows how to work it. Tonight Rice Cinema is screening Revolution, her latest stand-up concert film. Cho has a big following in the GLBT community, so Houston's boys and girls will congregate in her honor at Meteor afterward. 7 p.m. Rice Media Center, Rice University, entrance no. 8 (off University Boulevard). $5. After-party at 2306 Fairview. Free. For information, visit www.hglff.org.
Lauren Levy used to work with metal and fire. Then she had a baby. This Austin-based artist could hardly get her torch sparked up before she had to attend to the babe, so it was time to find another medium. She now works with wire and buttons. Now, before any of y'all mockingly utters "awww," you should know that her new stuff is pretty damn fascinating. Strung together in manifold ways, her buttons become the cells of oddly biomorphic sculptures, somehow cute and cutting-edge at the same time. Her exhibition opens from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. On view through July 2. McMurtrey Gallery, 3508 Lake. For information, call 713-523-8238 or visit www.mcmurtreygallery.com. Free.
Sunday, June 6
Back from an outdoor performance in Times Square, Ad Deum Dance Company is presenting "Scribbles in the Sand," a dance concert devoted to hope and inspiration. Ad deumis Latin for "to God," so it's not too difficult to figure out what all the leaping and stretching is supposed to represent. Then again, modern dance can be interpreted any which way you please, so feel free to think of the performance as a celebration of secular humanism. 2:30 p.m. today; and 8 p.m. Saturday, June 5. Heinen Theatre, 3517 Austin. For information, call 713-626-4542 or visit www.danceaddeum.com. $15.
Monday, June 7
The "Texas Bound" series is like a mix between live theater and books on tape -- all with a little Lone Star flair. Tonight Alley Theatre resident actors James Black and Elizabeth Heflin will interpret works by Texas authors, including Paul Rudnick's Queer Eye for the Whole Worldand Tom Doyal's Suppressing the Grief Response. Director Raphael Parry will also take the stage, reading Matt Clark's West Texas Sprouting of Loman Happenstance. Sit back and enjoy at 7:30 p.m. Alley Theatre, 615 Texas. For information, call 713-228-8421 or visit www.alleytheatre.org. $7 to $20.
Tuesday, June 8
When it comes to clubbing, Tuesdays rarely get any love. Fridays and Saturdays are no-brainers, and Thursdays and Sundays soon get swallowed up in the belly of the beat. But Tuesday sits there, smack-dab in between Monday and Wednesday. Break free from the week tonight at "MetroNome," a weekly DJ happening at Licor Lounge. Andrei Morant, Dustin Swint and Henry Chow spin dance tracks from all over the globe. Shake your ass like it's the weekend. 10 p.m. 2204 Louisiana. For information, call 713-654-0869 or visit www.licorlounge.com. Free.
Wednesday, June 9
Well, now that you're clubbing on Tuesdays, you might as well go all out and get a tattoo on Wednesday. And this Wednesday would be the day to do it. Tonight's the opening for a tattoo art show, the first event of the Live Fast Hot Rod Tattoo Convention and Kustom Culture Art Show. Tattoos and hot rods all in one place? Damn. Where's Margaret Cho when you need her? 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. today. On view through Sunday, June 13. Park Plaza Hotel, 8686 Kirby. For a full schedule of events, call 512-659-7500 or visit www.livefasttexas.com. Free.