Feel This

Enema of the Mental State: Notes from the Battle on Irritable Blink-182 Syndrome

Comments (0) By S. Zacharius Chapman Thursday, Jun 17 2004

I found myself feeling this after listening to "Feeling This." Our counseling sessions have become sweetly sorrowful "Miss You" sing-alongs that leave us both emotionally spent. The patient's musical inferiority complex has weakened, and his paranoid ideation has also decreased significantly with the largely positive critical response to Blink-182.

What once was immature and irrelevant has become darkly alluring and devastatingly sweet. The patient feels no need to rationalize "Go," "Down" or any other song on the album.

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House call: Blink-182 is the cause of and cure for IBS.

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This is a groundbreaking discovery for IBS patients. As with herpes, there is no cure. But patients can still lead fulfilling lives. Note to self: Contact Psychology Today about publishing findings.

Prescription: a mango frappé and Blink-182.

Patient name: Dinsdale, Nathan

Final evaluation date: May 16, 2004

Location: Bonner Springs, Kansas

Conclusion: The patient's IBS is in remission thanks in part to my brilliant advances in the field. I have been awarded a tidy grant from the Administration for Children and Families and have rewarded myself with a large OxyContin prescription.

The patient has silenced his demons through patience, spiritual counseling (Pop-Punk Penance, February 5, 2004) and multiple spins of Blink-182. But the real test will come at today's concert.

Barring any catastrophic digressions (the patient storming the stage to belt out a booze-fueled rendition of "Miss You"), it is my professional opinion that the patient is cured of IBS and no longer requires my services.

Signed: S. Zacharius Chapman, M.D.