Thursday, July 8
Self-help books with unlikely messiahs are popping up all over the place: How Proust Can Change Your Life, The D'Oh! of Homer, Donald Rummy for Dummies -- okay, so that last one doesn't exist, but can't you see it? And now we've got How to Be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life. Compiled and edited by Melissa Hellstern, this little book is full of fantastic pictures of Hepburn and not-so-fantastic life lessons from her. Here's a sample: "I think that's what life is all about actually -- about children and flowers." "Who thinks you're as fantastic as your dog does?" And, "Anyone who does not believe in miracles is not a realist." Thanks, Audrey, for figuring it all out for us. Hellstern signs at 5 p.m. River Oaks Bookstore, 3270 Westheimer. For information, call 713-520-0061. Free.
Friday, July 9
Good poetry can be about anything: a lovers' embrace, morning dew on a tulip, a cartoon coyote wearing a pair of roller skates with a rocket strapped to his back. In "Wile E. Coyote's Lament," poet Larry Fontenot ponders the inner workings of Caninus Nervous Rex and his never-ending quest for Burnius Roadibus. Says Mr. Coyote: "I have hiked and died / a thousand times / in this country." Hear Fontenot read tonight at 8:30 p.m. Inprint House, 1524 Sul Ross. For information, call 713-521-3519 or visit www.inprint-inc.org. Free.
Saturday, July 10
Artemis is Houston's own Renaissance woman. She's an accomplished writer with master's degrees in psychology and social work, and she can shake her hips like there's no tomorrow. Seriously, this woman can move. See for yourself tonight when she headlines Artemis: The Journey of Art and Movement at the University of St. Thomas. All kinds of ethnic dance will be represented, including moves from Croatia, Spain, Turkey and the Middle East. Shake on over and catch the show from 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Jones Hall at the University of St. Thomas, 3800 Montrose. For information, call 713-883-3270. $15.
Sunday, July 11
The jocks have all their bases covered this week with All-Star festivities, so it's nice to see there's something for the theater people out there as well. Today is the audition for Theatre Under the Stars' upcoming production of Hair, the '60s musical about the shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen stuff. TUTS is looking for pop/rock singers between the ages of 18 and 28. Bring a prepared song and remember: If you get accepted, you'll probably wind up having to get nude for the production, so start thinking about your hair down there as well. 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. Hobby Center for the Performing Arts, 800 Bagby. For information, call 713-558-2600 or visit www.tuts.com. Free.
Monday, July 12
Mondays suck. Ditch work and head over to the Buffalo Soldiers National Museum to learn about the accomplishments of African-Americans in the U.S. military. Although the period of the Buffalo Soldier ended after WWII with the integration of the armed forces, this museum has artifacts and exhibits from all the way up to the present. It's definitely worth checking out. Just try not to hum the Bob Marley tune while you're in there. We're sure the guy at the desk has heard it a thousand times. Hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Mondays through Fridays; 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Sundays. 1834 Southmore. For information, call 713-942-8920 or visit www.buffalosoldiermuseum.com. Free.
Tuesday, July 13
The Houston Gay and Lesbian Film Festival is giving itself a makeover. Its old logo just didn't have enough joie de vivre, so a new one has been designed. This news might not be very exciting, but it's a good enough excuse to throw a party. Tonight at Cabo, the guys and gals who organize the HGLFF will be whooping it up in honor of their new masthead. Head on over for cheap drinks and, no doubt, plenty of opportunities to watch people pat themselves on the back. 6:30 p.m. Cabo Montrose, 1111 Westheimer. For information, call 713-465-4572 or visit www.hglff.org. Free.
Now it's time to head right back in the closet. Don't worry, though, there's still some boning action to be had. Martha Braniff's new book, Songs from the Bone Closet, is a wicked little collection of poetry and fiction. Says the author, "Through dreams and imagination, I delve into the realm of magical realism, transforming real-time events with elements of the supernatural, the surreal and the mystical." Now, we've got to be honest here: We're not exactly sure what the differences are between the supernatural, the surreal and the mystical. It all just seems like trippy shit to us, but we're fine with that. Braniff reads from 7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. Borders River Oaks, 3025 Kirby. For information, call 713-524-0200. Free.
Wednesday, July 14
"The Big Show" is here. Sponsored by Lawndale Art Center, this annual exhibition is a great chance to view works by local emerging artists. Seventy-three pieces were selected by juror Michael Ray Charles this year, including works by Brooke Akkerman, Aaron Casey, Michael Harwell, Keith Hollingsworth, Betsy Odom, Denise Ramos, Dandridge Reed, Richard Steele and Mark Wade, to name a few. The opening is on Friday and should be a good party (if past performance can be an indication of future results), but we suggest you head back to the exhibition today to see it without all the crowds. Art is supposed to be personal. Opening: 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Friday, July 9. Museum hours: 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Wednesdays through Sundays. Through August 23. The Art Car Museum, 140 Heights Boulevard. For information, call 713-528-5858 or visit www.lawndaleartcenter.org. Free.