Tuna Season

SAT 8/14

Truthfully, Houstonians never have had much love for our neighbors up north on I-45. (Just what the hell is a metroplex, anyway?) So in September '02, when pasty, droopy-eyed Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones smirked in an interview at the idea of the first-year Houston Texans beating his team, it was on. Days later, Houston didn't become just the first expansion team in 41 years to win its first game. We beat Dallas's collective asses 19-10. Governor Rick Perry handed the Governor's Cup, which traditionally goes to the winner of the annual pre-season Houston-Dallas game, to beaming Texans owner Bob McNair. Jones's face (which often looks like it's melting) drooped even more. This year, the Texans have fresh new draft picks on defense and a stud QB in David Carr. Dallas is already a much different team, having hooked up with coach Bill "Big Tuna" Parcells as well as running back Eddie George, a former Tennessee Titan/Houston Oiler. And there's another Houston connection: Quarterback Drew Henson, whom the Texans stole from the New York Yankees, was recently traded to the 'boys for some draft picks. This weekend's game is a chance for fans to see how the teams stack up. And hopefully it also will be a chance to tell folks in the Big D what they can do with their metroplex. 7 p.m. Saturday, August 14. Reliant Stadium, One Reliant Park. For information, call 713-629-3700 or visit www.houstontexans.com. $35 to $78. -- Steven Devadanam

Hi Ya!

SAT 8/14

Didn't get enough chopsocky action from Kill Bill Vol. 2? Experience the real thing at the Intercontinental Martial Arts Festival. You probably won't see any severed limbs spouting bright red blood, but there will be demonstrations and competitions in tae kwon do and hapkido, as well as in sparring, breaking and weapons. You can watch or enter, and there's even an interactive family competition, which may finally give you that chance you've always wanted to kick the living shit out of your brother-in-law. And kids, don't miss an appearance by Seung Do Kim, the purported Guinness Book record holder for eating metal. No word on if he also holds the record for most painful bowel movement. 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Saturday, August 14. The George R. Brown Convention Center, 1001 Avenida de las Americas. For information, call 713-853-8000 or visit www.umataekwondo.com. -- Bob Ruggiero