By Chris Lane
By Jeff Balke
By Aaron Reiss
By Angelica Leicht
By Dianna Wray
By Aaron Reiss
By Camilo Smith
By Craig Malisow
Houston Police Chief Harold Hurtt has been busy revamping the bureaucracy and fighting for a budget since his arrival in March.
He claims to be proud of the department and its officers, but if he's so damn proud how come he can't bring himself to wear the HPD uniform? Is he secretly ashamed to be seen wearing the Space City badge? Is there a secret Hurtt memo out there:
To:All HPD Officers
Officers: Hellooooo!? Light blue shirts? That is so '90s, people. I urge you to check out the Phoenix uniforms. I am pleased to announce that Tommy Hilfiger has agreed to submit a design for new HPD uniforms, which he has described as "casual, but classic." One word -- paisley!!
It turns out that it's not Hurtt's impeccable fashion sense that's keeping him from donning the uni. It's just that he's not allowed to. By law.
Hurtt has yet to take the required exam that would license him as a Texas law enforcement officer, a formality that previous chiefs from out of town got out of the way quickly. In fact, under the old law, Hurtt would have only a week or two remaining to take the exam; luckily for him the rule was changed earlier this year to extend to two years the time a newly arrived officer has to pass the exam.
Until he passes, Hurtt not only can't wear HPD threads, he can't do anything an officer does -- including make an arrest, says Lillian Aldrete, spokeswoman for the Texas Commission on Officer Standards and Education.
Applicants have three chances to pass the test. Hurtt has yet to take it, she says.
Hurtt wouldn't comment, but HPD spokesman John Cannon says the chief indeed plans to take the test eventually, and "then you'll start seeing him in uniform."
And looking sharp, no doubt.
Caught on Camera
Of course, there are fashion plates on the other side of the law, too. You might remember the stylish home invader (see Hair Balls, July 8) who failed in his attempt to storm a Heights home but succeeded in winning the hearts of the well-dressed community when he left -- at the scene of the crime -- a picture of himself, dressed immaculately with tux, hat and gun. The picture was on a roll of film in a camera that he dropped while struggling with the surprised homeowner.
Even though they were dealing with an obvious criminal mastermind, law enforcement officials still cracked the case. Several calls came in to Crime Stoppers relaying word that the guy in the picture was one Greggory Lurice Mims.
Tracking him down was easy enough -- Mims already was sitting in jail on an unrelated drug charge.
Crime Stoppers head Kim Ogg says she was grateful for the assistance Mims provided in his own case. "Most people aren't stupid enough, or vain enough, to carry a camera to the scene of their crime," she said.
Then again, most people just don't look so damn good in a gun and hat as the stylin' Mr. Mims.
Advertisements for Myself
HPD Chief Harold Hurtt's fashion woes emerged, by the way, because he's been popping up all over the Web lately in his Phoenix uniform, in advertisements touting the University of Phoenix.
Hurtt is the proud owner of a Master of Arts degree in "Organizational Management" from the school in 1991. The degree, he tells Web surfers, "opened the door, enabling me to successfully compete for CEO positions."
But UH and other public and private colleges are nonprofit entities. The University of Phoenix is a for-profit, nationwide business whose stock is traded publicly. It's just as much a business as Wal-Mart or General Motors. It's not exactly a sleazy diploma mill with fake correspondence courses, but it's closer in spirit to DeVry than DePaul. And ads for the University of Phoenix aren't public service announcements; they're akin to Mattress Mac shouting about his latest two-for-one recliner sale.
HPD spokesman John Cannon says Hurtt is not getting paid for the ads, and therefore the department has no problem with them.
So, we guess, Hurtt's free to pop up anywhere he wants on the Web. We look forward to seeing an Orbitz cheap-fares "Dunk the Chief" game any day now.
Hot Off the Press...Release
Opponents of light rail in Houston -- and they're still around, like lone Japanese soldiers in Okinawa caves in 1952 -- often complain that the Houston Chronicle is a one-sided cheerleader for rail. The paper might as well print Metro's press releases, critics grumble.
On August 10, they might have had a point.
The front of the local news section that day featured a story by transportation writer Lucas Wall saying that Metro was dumping its Park & Ride bus service to Houston Texans games; instead, everyone without a stadium parking pass would have to take the light rail and hunt for a parking space along the line. Which was kind of similar to a Hair Balls item that had been published five days earlier, but that's beside the point.