The cheesy Burl Ives songs that mark this time of year can really make celebrating Jesus' birth a living hell. Thankfully, local duo Johnny Killed Rock n' Roll is offering up some ass-kickin', caustic rock to save you from the torture of easy-listening. Over the past two years, JKRNR, made up of sound engineers Chris Ryan and Eric Faucette, has recorded more than 30 Houston rock and hardcore bands, including fixtures Fatal Flying Guilloteens, Bring Back the Guns and the Jonx. Tonight at the Proletariat, the duo is playing Santa to rock fans. "We've wanted to do a show for some time with friends of ours who we've recorded or are in the works of recording," says Ryan.
The showcase features the Kants, one of the nine bands JKRNR recorded for the recently released Houston compilation, I Hate It Here, I Never Want to Leave. Twee-pop band Carter Brown headlines, and even Ryan and Faucette's own Menace of a Heartless Monster will reunite for the gig, marking their first show in eight months. Rounding out the night are Broman, Cop on Fire, Ghost Shark and Friendship. The show is a veritable who's who of local indie talent and the fans who dig it, so ditch the Ives and watch Johnny kill at 9 p.m. Saturday, December 18. 903 Richmond. For information, call 713-523-1199 or visit www.theproletariathouston.com. $5.-- Travis Ritter
STIRRED AND SHAKEN
LZ Pub's Myers's Rum and Dr Pepper
My kid sister had a date with this overfed saddle salesman from Denver, and she convinced me to be her chaperone for the evening. Well, not exactly. She wanted me to watch -- from a distance. She was hooking up with "Tyler" at LZ Pub (2239 Richmond, 713-522-7118), and she was worried about her safety. Not knowing what this guy looked like and having watched Sis drink it up while she was getting dressed -- she imbibed more than Karen from Will & Grace does in an episode -- I arrived early and started knocking back Myers's Rum and Dr Pepper. Sis came stumbling through the front door wearing her pickup outfit: a half-torn blouse reeking of perfume and her fire-engine-red capri pants (probably, I thought, stolen from a street vendor in Buenos Aires). She walked right up to me and yelled in my ear, "You're as drunk as a skunk!" I turned my attention back to my drink and the homely horse with freckled, bloated breasts who was talking my ear off. After a while, I caught a glimpse of Saddlebags and choked on my cocktail. My sister was riding this fat bastard's leg like she was auditioning for the rodeo. I paid my tab, crossed myself and left without saying good-bye.
2 ounces Myers's Rum
1 to 3 ounces Dr Pepper
Pour the rum into a glass with ice. Top off with Dr Pepper. Repeat. Perfect for baby-sitting gigs. -- J.W. Crooker
You might as well just call it DJ school: This weekend, Houston will welcome two pioneering DJs with about 40 years of spinning under their collective needles, and revelers can take notes at 2401 San Jacinto. L.A.-based Simply Jeff, first known to Los Angelenos in the '80s as KROQ's DJ Spinn, has taken his turntablism and funky breaks global and is known widely for his "Funk-Da-Fried" series. Hardware, who recently moved himself and his Pure Music label to H-town, drops a fusion of progressive, electroclash techno and tech house. Tastylick and Password also spin, starting at 10 p.m. Saturday, December 18. 2401 San Jacinto. For tickets and information, call 713-759-9606 or visit www.77002.com. $10. -- Julia Ramey
This weekend marks the 18th installment of "Rent," which nabbed the Best Recurring Club Night title at this year's Press Music Awards. The party's got a surprisingly long shelf life. This special Christmas edition of "Rent" offers DJs Little Martin, Brotha Jibril and Milian spinning sexy U.S./Latin house alongside disco and club classics. It's a hot event: At recent parties, both people and steam -- literally -- have spilled out of Union and onto the street, so you may want to stake your claim early at 9 p.m. Saturday, December 18. Union Bar and Lounge, 202 Tuam. For information, call 713-533-9600 or visit www.upsidedownhouse.com. $5 to $10. -- Julia Ramey