Radio Daze

9:20 p.m.

KTRH GOP patsy Alan Colmes is away from the mike, but fear not, vast right-wing conspiracy, his replacement -- a guy named Major Garrett -- is just as wimpy. Unlike on the conservative shows, Garrett lays out both sides of the "Did the inaugural cost too much?" issue. The first caller says he supports Bush 100 percent. Wow, this liberal radio could topple the president! A Canadian trucker calls in next and says he's a liberal but that he doesn't let that fact slip in the truck stops. "They would say I'm in the party of faggots," he says. Then he says that he doesn't think Bush is smart enough to be a cynic. Instead of scoffingly agreeing, Garrett waffles. "Hmm…Interesting," he mumbles.

10:20 p.m.

KPFT At least you can trust the authenticity of the leftist talk at KPFT, which has returned to local programming. They're still stuck on the inauguration, though. A tipsy woman calls in from San Francisco and doles out mad props to the locals here, to whom she has been listening on the Web. "You guys were the only one of the five [Pacifica] sisters that didn't contribute to suicide today," she merrily slurs. "You were really funny." She adds that she has joined the movement to help Vermont secede from the Union and then plugs some sort of Internet gizmo she has invented. Her buzz is infectious -- I have another vodka and Red Bull to toast Free Vermont and the fact that I have passed the 12-hour mark.

10:36 p.m.

Country Legends Waylon's "Bob Wills Is Still the King" is followed by Anne Murray's "Could I Have This Dance for the Rest of my Life." They almost get it.

10:39 p.m.

The Buzz At last, something tuneful: the Killers' "Smile Like You Mean It." Hey, I've checked in only 12 times over the past 12 hours.

11:17 p.m.

KPFT "Uncompromisingly liberal" local talk show host Glen Urbach lives up to his self-billing. He weighs in with a sharp few takes on the day's haps -- he notes that Condoleezza Rice forgot to put her membership on Chevron's board of directors on her résumé, and tears into Senator Joe Biden for going soft on her. (Any of you commercial stations looking for a tough, local liberal host? Here is your man.) Tipsy Frisco calls in again and repeats that KPFT was the funniest of the five sisters, though this time she doesn't plug her Net invention or Vermont secession.

11:58 p.m.

KCOH And so we enter the wee hours. One of the things I always loved about radio long ago was how it was an antidote to post-midnight loneliness. It was cool to have that voice nearby, one that came from somewhere in town, not some Big Radio nerve center. Today, that's almost gone. On the AM dial, KCOH is alone. Right now, as it does every weeknight at this time, it's playing the slow-burning R&B/funk jam "Return of the Mack," which normally segues into Paris "The Prophet" Eley's overnight show, easily the best local commercial overnight radio. Tonight, Eley's away, and the song fades into a soul-blues number.

12:22 a.m.

KTRU Scott Walcott signs off his excellent underground rock show with a tune by the Riverboat Gamblers. News programs follow from the national news services of every country from Australia to Germany to Africa.

1:35 a.m.

KPFT Rad Rich informs his listeners about upcoming shows and even house parties. They follow with Iggy and the Stooges. At last, some dangerous rock.

2:04 a.m.

KTSU/90.9 FM One of the station's many excellent specialty shows -- this one playing modern reggae and soca -- brings a little Caribbean sunshine to the long, black night ahead.

3 a.m.

All over the dial Save for the music on KCOH, KPFT and KTSU, there is no locally based nonreligious English-language programming on the dial. It's a wasteland of preselected music and syndicated yakkers of the sports, conservative and, in George Noory's case (KTRH), raving-monster-loony varieties. Outside my window, a heavy fog envelops South Main, much like the one in my head.

4:34 a.m.

SportsRadio 610 The Outdoors Show fires up, and I love it. Hosted by a gruff good ol' boy, the emphasis is on fishing. Various Hank Hill sound-alikes call in to say that the specks are biting in Port Lavaca and there's a good redfish run going in Matagorda. Occasionally a bait-camp woman phones up, her vocal chords stained by decades of Virginia Slims, and waxes poetic about the wind conditions in Palacios. It's reassuring, infinitely so. The Texas coast is waking up, the fish are biting, and I've got just six more hours to go.

5:45 a.m.

The Arrow I bust them cheating on their alphabetical thing: Lynyrd Skynyrd's "The Ballad of Curtis Loew" plays, just as it did at about 6:15 the night before. Liars!

6:38 a.m.

Mega 101 A new crisis! Between airings of Tilly, James Dobson of Focus on the Family has determined that SpongeBob is gay! Mega's hosts -- Chico and Rascal -- play it down. They say that only homophobes think that way. Chico and Rascal go on to call the FCC "devils" and "the evil empire." Who woulda thought a Clear Channel station would sound so much like KPFT?