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Monsters of Hip

Five bands' worth of Urban Outfitters employees grace Cardi's stage with shopworn licks and attire

5. How many band members wear a "Jesus Is My Homeboy" T-shirt?

Lomax sticks to his grounded guns and guesses one. Clark remarks, "Last season," before boldly declaring that no one has donned Ashton Kutcher's favorite T. Twin has similar concerns, stating, "That one is kinda old," but agrees with Lomax and says one.

Actual number: Clark is right on the money. Goose egg!

Yaaarrrr! Will pirate hats follow trucker caps and 
Castro hats on Urban Outfitters' shelves? Ryan Clark 
(right) says "Aye!"
Yaaarrrr! Will pirate hats follow trucker caps and Castro hats on Urban Outfitters' shelves? Ryan Clark (right) says "Aye!"

6. How many references to Urban Outfitters sales are made from stage?

Lomax changes strategy and goes high with seven. Clark plays it safe with three. Twin is off the charts with ten.

Actual number: Trick question. Zero mentions. "I guess employees of Urban Outfitters have no sense of irony," quips Clark.

7. Finally, of the four bands performing at Urban Assault, how many failed to get the memo that Staind completely sucks nard?

All three of our players guess four.

Actual number: Can't say -- don't actually know what Staind sounds like. Like any good in-the-loop music fan, I listen to only bands played over Urban Outfitters house speakers.

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