Comedian Daniel Tosh has a unique, if not completely PC, take on cannibalism. "If you had to eat another person to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?" he asks. "Do you think Mexicans are spicy? Chinese people -- are you hungry 30 minutes later for more?" He goes on: "Black people taste like chicken. White people: Well, you don't eat white people -- I'm sorry, I don't make the rules." Of course, in Tosh's world, God -- who is black -- would have the last word while denying the comedian entrance into heaven. "Black people taste like chicken?" bellows Tosh in his God voice. "Well, white people taste like macaroni and cheese, bitch!" Tosh, who's fresh off shooting an MTV pilot called Fameless, stops by the Houston Improv to share his thoughts on people (and the people who eat them) at 8:30 p.m. today. Through Sunday, May 29. 7620 Katy Freeway, suite 3621, 713-333-8800, www.improv.com. $15.
Friday, May 27
When you're hit with the inevitable "So, what the hell are we doing this weekend?" today, take heart. You're covered, thanks to Houston Memorial Weekend 2005, where things get shakin' at 9 p.m. today with the Grey Goose Kickoff Party at the 1415 Bar & Grille (1415 California, 713-522-7066). Hang in the special VIP area, sip Grey Goose cocktails and watch go-go girls dance to guest DJ Paul Bunyon. The fun continues at 9 p.m. Saturday, May 28, at the All White Party, where you're encouraged to show up to the Renaissance Hotel (6 Greenway Plaza, 713-629-1200) in your freshest white threads (ladies, slip into a white linen pantsuit or dress; guys, rock the P. Diddy-inspired white suit -- and don't forget the white shoes). The event features a wine tasting, spring fashion show and tunes spun by Bunyon. Need to crash? Ask the hotel for a special All-White rate for the night. On Sunday, May 29, hit Scott Gertner's Skybar (3400 Montrose, 713-520-9688) at 6 p.m. for Sunday Ritual. Suck on some crawfish until 8 p.m., watch the NBA playoffs and, later, the Memorial Day fireworks from the roof while enjoying a warm buzz. For information, call 832-794-0743 or visit www.trendsettersinc.net. Tickets start at $20.
Saturday, May 28
As a cutting-edge graffiti artist, Phem 9 spray-paints just about anything in her Kansas City hometown. But this urban hipster has a love for the country -- specifically, the equestrian life. "Dude, she's an avid horse rider," says Aerosol Warfare Gallery's GONZO247. (Wonder if she's ever tagged a stable...) GONZO247 already was planning to exhibit her cowgirl-themed work when he received calls from two other female graffiti artists looking to showcase their cowgirl art. "It was crazy how it all came together: Three artists from different parts of the U.S., and they all had a cowgirl pieces," he says. Hence "Cowgirl," an art show featuring Phem 9 along with artists Venus from San Francisco and Clementine from Seattle. The ladies take their art from the streets and onto canvases in a tribute to all things cowgirl (and cowboy). Horse around at the show's opening from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Exhibit runs through June 18. Aerosol Warfare Gallery, 1004 Palmer, suite A. For information, visit www.aerosolwarfare.com. Free.
Sunday, May 29
If you haven't noticed, it's starting to get hotter than death outside. If you're wanting to jump in any type of water that isn't murky brown (Galveston, anyone?), you'll have to travel to a spot where the ocean looks less like gravy and more like, well, the ocean. Or, you can slap on the sunscreen and head to Six Flags Splashtown. The mammoth water park is unleashing Tornado, where tubers travel 75 feet in the air, only to be plunged down a 132-foot-long tunnel at 30 miles per hour. As you spin through the enormous funnel, you'll be whisked through the eye of the "storm" before you plop into a wading pool. (Don't worry if you wet your pants -- you'll be in 5,000 gallons of water.) I-45 North, exit Louetta. For tickets and hours of operation, call 281-355-3300 or visit www.sixflags.com. Tickets start at $19.99.
Monday, May 30
It's Memorial Day, and if you're feeling like waving the flag, join the masses at Minute Maid Park, where pitcher Brandon Backe and the Houston Astros will take on the Cincinnati Reds. The first 20,000 fans get a miniature American flag, and kiddos can participate in the Youth Baseball Day and Parade, where they'll march on the field before the game and run the bases after. Get a rush of Americana as you take in our national pastime. And should you get a little misty during "The Star-Spangled Banner," just tell your friends you're crying about our lack of run support. 1:05 p.m. 501 Crawford. For information, call 713-259-8000 or visit www.astros.com. Tickets start at $1 for kids and $5 for adults.
Tuesday, May 31
In the '70s, the phrase "made in Taiwan" was almost a slur, a term that denoted a lack of quality or just a piece of crap. The folks at the Houston Taipei Society want to teach you that Taiwan puts out more than just cheap radios and knickknacks with "The Many Splendors of Taiwan." The folk art exhibit includes handicrafts, puppetry and opera costumes from Taiwan, and even includes traditional aboriginal attire. "The art pieces and artifacts reflect 400 years of Taiwan culture and customs that remain infused in the artistic creativity of the Taiwan people," says Joy Chen of the Houston Taipei Society. Today is the final day of the exhibit, so see what's been made in Taiwan when you stop by between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. Houston Public Library's Julia Ideson Building, 500 McKinney. For information, call 713-961-9465 or visit www.houstonlibrary.org. Free.