Thursday, July 21
Where, oh where, can all the hip-hop-starved B-boys and girls go for a Thursday-night fix of phat rhymes and dope beats? Why, Helios, of course, where Houston's own rap-slinging warrior Digifunk lays down the law for an hour every week along with guest mouthpieces like Tony Bananas. 9 p.m. 411 Westheimer. For information, call 713-526-4648 or visit www.heliosrising.org. Free.
Friday, July 22
Bert Kreischeris a living, walking argument against pesky parental nagging. This guy blatantly "wasted his life" until eight years ago, when a Rolling Stone article pretty much randomly proclaimed him to be America's "No. 1 Partier." The dude's been a famous media personality ever since. If this little Cinderella story makes you feel slightly hostile, you might want to keep an eye out for Hurt Bert, Kreischer's well-titled Fox series. Or just come check him out yourself today at 8 p.m and 10:30 p.m. Laff Stop, 1952 West Gray. For information, call 713-524-2333 or visit www.laffstop.com. $17.
Saturday, July 23
Some concepts are definitely higher than others. Consider The Square Show, opening today at the Bering & James Gallery. Twelve artists (including Crystal Owens, Lonnie Duff, Julie Reaugh and Blakely Bering) were asked to contribute to the exhibit, and the only requirement placed on each of them was that the canvases they painted on had to be, y'know, square. Four equal sides. That's it. Color, size, texture, all that stuff was left up to the individual. Find out exactly why it's hip to be square from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. 2482 Bolsover. For information, call 713-529-0351 or visit www.beringandjames.com. Free.
When Saturday Night Live's meanest girl, Tina Fey, adapted the nonfiction book Queen Bees and Wannabes into the screenplay for Mean Girls, she consciously chopped out all the stuff dealing with the prevalence of suicide and serious mental disorders among teenage girls who find themselves stuck in the peer-pressure cooker. The resulting movie could be subtitled "Cruelty Without Consequences," but it has got compensations: The always fantastic Amy Poehler is in it playing somebody's mom. Plus it's your best chance to gaze at a long-form "before" picture of now-ubiquitous Herbie: Fully Loadedstar and Hillary Duff-basher Lindsay Lohan and try to divine just what's gone wrong with that crazy, mixed-up kid in the last year or so. 11:59 p.m. Landmark River Oaks, 2009 West Gray. For information, call 713-866-8881 or visit www.landmarktheatres.com. $8.
Sunday, July 24
Charles M. Schulz may have passed away a few years ago, but from newspaper reprints to TV specials to insurance company billboards to anally complete coffee-table collections, his lovably screwed-up stable of big-headed cartoon children is everywhere. Way back in 1967, the round-headed, squiggle-shirted boy with the self-esteem problem and his reality-defying, anthropomorphic beagle first found themselves on Broadway in the much-revived musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, with adult actors taking on the challenging roles of not only Snoopy and his titular owner but fussbudget Lucy, blanket-toting OCD-poster boy Linus and monomaniacal Beethoven fanatic Schroeder. Check out the most recent regional incarnation of the hit show at 2 p.m. today. Playhouse 90, Quadrangle Shopping Plaza, Lane Drive at Highway 90 in Rosenberg. For information, call 281-238-0690 or visit www.playhouse90.com. $15.
Monday, July 25
The new Cocker Spaniels CD, Withstand the Whatnot, starts off with an autobiographical song called "The Only Black Guy at the Indie-Rock Show." Featuring lyrics like "My FUBU shirts and Tommy jeans...their bowling shirts and dirty Vans...I look just like a thug amongst the dressed-down Pavement fans," the song finds lone Spaniel Sean Padilla reaching for new vistas of pathos as he sings in his nerdy, Lou Barlow-esque warble, dreaming of a better world and wondering "if white folks who like Jay-Z often feel as alienated as me." Padilla won't be the only black guy at Super Happy Fun Land tonight, anyway: Hip-hop guerrilla warriors Freedom Sold are on the bill as well. 8 p.m. 2610 Ashland. For information, call 713-880-2100 or visit www.superhappyfunland.com. $5.
Tuesday, July 26
Good-bye, baaaaaaaaabyyyyy!!! Relive that historic night when Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper (real name JP Richardson) all bit it in a plane crash in an Iowa snowstorm. Despite its Don McLean-derived title, The Night the Music Diedisn't some morbid rock opera, but a song-by-song, announcement-by-announcement re-creation of what ended up being the last stop on the ill-fated 1959 "Winter Dance Party" tour. Bop to the old-school rock as we hear our doomed heroes play "Peggy Sue," "La Bamba" and "Chantilly Lace" for the last time all over again. Yell futile warnings at the performers starting at 7:30 p.m. today. Galveston Island Musicals, Moody Gardens Convention Center, 1 Hope Boulevard, Galveston. For information, call 409-316-0346 or visit www.galvestonmusicals.com. $22 to $35.
Wednesday, July 27
We're not really sure just what sort of dance partner Beelzebub would make, but we're willing to bet he's hot. Tonight, M Bar is hosting a performance of "Dance with the Devil," featuring a silver-paint-slathered interpretive dancer from Acapulco known as The Aztec. His specialty is a dance inspired by the mystic rituals of the Aztec culture, and he does it to the sounds of crazy dance music made by a Belgian group known, appropriately enough, as the D-Devils. Of course, there will be towers of flickering flames for dramatic effect. Hail Satan at 9 p.m. 402 Main. For information, call 713-222-1022 or visit www.monmain.com. $10.