Rock Floozies Write

Wack peruses some doozies in the groupie tell-all canon

Rock-related books encompass a lot of categories: autobiography, biography, critical analysis and rush-job-done-mostly-with-magazine-clippings (usually published shortly after a star's OD/assassination/death following years of obscurity).

But perhaps the most interesting subgenre is the groupie tell-all. Women whose chief claim to fame is balling a musician often turn in the most interesting books, full of drama, pathos and the occasional bout of fellatio. Wack thumbed through some of the best…so you don't have to!

Groupie: Angela Bowie

Book: Backstage Passes: Life on the Wild Side with David Bowie (1993)

Chiefly known for: Marrying Ziggy Stardust in 1970; having an open, bisexual relationship; naming son Zowie

Has also had carnal knowledge of: Mick Jagger; James Williamson and Ron Asheton (both of the Stooges); Marianne Faithfull; other, less famous women

Sexual quote: "[David] used sex the way a cat sprays, to mark his territory. It gets the job done."

Sexual revelation: "The sex was lousy…all he really knew how to do was pump, and all I really knew how to do was to take it. I had heard about things like fellatio, but the very idea of taking that thing in my mouth and playing with it was disgusting. He peed out of it, for God's sake! I'm sure David felt the same way about my apparatus."

Why I'm not really just a groupie: "David and I had begun to act as a team. I was the person to whom he played his tapes of his day's work in the studio, inviting reaction and comment…I became the person who put his ideas into action, found and secured the resources he needed, and kicked down the doors he wanted to walk through."

Bombshell: Says she found Bowie and Mick Jagger naked in bed together, meaning their overly campy duet years later should have been "Dancing in the Sheets."

Groupie: Pamela Des Barres

Book: I'm With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie (1987)

Chiefly known for: The First Lady of Rock Whores…and proud of it!; marrying the dude who took over for Robert Palmer in the Power Station; part of the groupie group GTO's

Has also had carnal knowledge of: Mick Jagger, Jimmy Page, Waylon Jennings, Chris Hillman, Noel Redding (Jimi Hendrix Experience), Don Johnson (!) and Howard Kaylan of the Turtles. Also heavy petting/oral with: Jim Morrison, Mitch Mitchell (Jimi Hendrix Experience), Captain Beefheart and Darryl DeLoach of Iron Butterfly.

Sexual quote: "I showed my affection for the opposite sex in those [early] days by giving them head, and I was very popular indeed. I tried not to think of myself as being cheap or easy or any of those other terms. I just wanted to show my appreciation for their music. I found myself in many broom closets and back seats."

Sexual revelation: "Every time [Jimmy Page] would touch me he would moan and sigh and call to God…but I'm amazed at his sadistic tendencies, he changed into another person. But all he did was chew me and slap me a little…I saw Jimmy's whips curled into his leather suitcase. 'Don't worry,' he said. 'I'll never use those on you.' He then made raging, blinding love to me."

Why I'm not really just a groupie: Baby-sat for Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa; wrote songs; tried to act.

Bombshell: Mick Jagger gives great head (well, not so surprising, considering the lips/tongue…). And Don Johnson has a huge cock.

Groupie: Bebe Buell

Book: Rebel Heart: An American Rock 'n' Roll Journey (2001)

Chiefly known for: High-end, pre-groupie modeling career; giving birth to Liv Tyler…who for years believed that her father was Todd Rundgren.

Has also had carnal knowledge of: In addition to Steven Tyler and Rundgren, Jimmy Page, Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Iggy Pop, Elvis Costello, Stiv Bators, Jack Nicholson and David Bowie (heavy petting only).

Sexual quote: "[Page] and I were in bed and tripping our brains out on mescaline. When you're tripping, an erection looks even larger than it is. I was afraid to have sex with him for a minute, because I was hallucinating that his penis stretched to the other side of the room."

Sexual revelation: After going to bed tired one night, she was visited in succession by the shades of Ron Wood, Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart, much like the ghosts in A Christmas Carol, only all these horny haunts wanted to bang her. (There would be no orgasms for these phantasms -- she sent all three away with spectral blueballs.) Elvis Costello wanted to wear her underwear, and Mick Jagger -- the one who existed in the physical plane -- actually did so on occasion. (Jagger also once asked her, "Why do you want the fake Mick [Steven Tyler] when you've got the real thing?") Buell also claims that Linda McCartney told her she'd slept with all of the Rolling Stones before nabbing Beatle Paul.

Why I'm not really just a groupie: "From the outset, I approached my relationship with [Rundgren] from the position of a muse. I believed being a muse meant not just inspiring specific songs, but inspiring every aspect of the artist's life -- how he dressed, where he ate, whom he chose to work with." She also claims to have mused for Costello for seven of his albums: "Everything I did and said was incorporated into his music." She also wrote horrid lyrics and performed with her band the B-Sides, and dispensed catty put-downs toward "cruder" groupies such as Des Barres. She also claims that "Little Red Corvette," with its line that she renders as "Bebe you're much too fast," was about her "persona." On the other hand, she quotes Costello as saying that Prince had been inspired to write it because he had seen a picture of her bush in Oui.

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