Extraordinary Machination

We at Wack have looked into our crystal balls to tell you which crap-tastic artists will be re-evaluated next and why.

Starship

The one thing this woman is not is insane!

Critical Fatwa

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More About

• Fiona Apple
• Adam Duritz
• Huey Lewis
• Disco D
• Janeane Garofalo

Unlike what you've heard, Starship was not the last, money-grubbing gasp of a once-proud '60s psychedelic band. Instead, it was a hit-making juggernaut with hidden countercultural tendencies. For one thing, the group, which eventually came to feature none of the Jefferson Airplane's original members, concocted a sound so incredibly synthesized that it seemed more inhuman than anything Kraftwerk or Ladytron could come up with. Also, the band's use of outside songwriters to fashion hits placed it in a fine lineage of jazz and orchestral musicians, making Grace Slick into Billie Idol Holiday or something.

Huey Lewis

Indie musicians share many of the same philosophies as Huey Lewis & the News. They understand that it's hip to be square, with all their thick-framed glasses, trucker hats and laptops. They also want a new drug, one that won't spill, cost too much or come in a pill. Lord knows, these burrito-subsisting artists comprehend that working for a living sucks big donkey balls. So what's not to love about Mr. Lewis? The fact that the News's bar-band sound was scrubbed so clean that a yuppie could have snorted coke off its ass doesn't matter, especially when the outfit piled up enough indie cred to last forever by backing Elvis Costello on his first LP. Also, Huey is rumored to have one of the biggest cocks in rock, and who wouldn't want to emulate that?

Pablo Cruise

The white-guy perms, the flared trousers, the ladies' frame shades -- this is easy-listening, soft-rocking godhead. Not to mention the funky backbeat, the studio-wizard organ and all the swishy island lyrics you can choke on, an equation that adds up to Steely Dan sipping mai tais with the Little River Band on Michael McDonald's back porch.

Counting Crows

Lots of people seem to hate Adam Duritz. Maybe it's because he's beautiful, maybe it's because he sings like he's got a mangina -- we don't know. But let's look at how influential his band has been. Without Counting Crap, er, Crows, there'd be no Augustana, no Dog's Eye View, no Bullfrog Tribute, and that's just the well-known groups. Also, without Duritz, no one would've bought the last five Van Morrison records, and chubby kids with dreadlocks would have to live in shame. -- Dan Strachota