Scooby-Dooby-Done

The Sinatra magic fails, and baffles, in rural Texas

Maybe it's Vibrator Day, when she brings in a Hello Kitty happy-machine. She tells the class she doesn't use that model, however, since it's a weak -- some might even say a "pussy" -- AA battery job. "For me that's child's play," she says. "And also the part that really vibrates is Hello Kitty's face, and that disturbs me. I just can't diss Hello Kitty like that."

Or perhaps some students get off on having to call her "Mistress" instead of "Professor." (Do accounting professors say to students, "You shall call me Number God?") "I tell them, 'You can call me anything...I think probably the best thing to call me is Mistress, because that's the kind of relationship we're gonna have. I'm gonna give pain, you're gonna like it, and you paid for it.' "

Now, why don't we see this woman in one of those ads and billboards UH buys all over town? It would have to be more effective than touting whatever obscure Nobel winner you've managed to lasso temporarily. Some schools never learn.

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