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No More Pussy

Fabricated pop groups are nothing new, but these Dolls are more than bad -- they're a threat

Column B (Autumn, December, January, February, September, October, November, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday);

Column C (An abstract noun like "contingency," "deceit," "contagion" or "distrust," or any variant of the words "die," "fall," "ash," "end" or "burn."

And there you have it. Feel free to jockey all of the columns back and forth and to throw in a few "ofs." If you can come up with a more emo band name than A Sunday in Autumn, Wack will send you a home-burned CD of songs about how much school sucks. -- John Nova Lomax

(M)emo

To: New Employees
From: Emo-Rock Headquarters
Date: April 27, 2006
Subject: Corporate Guidelines

With all of the recent hires, we thought it would be prudent to review some essential company guidelines:

Your band name must include a day, a month, or a season, and try to have it "falling," "fading" or "broken." Please note that "Thursday" is taken, but you're welcome to go with something like "The Thursday Capitulation." Our research department highly recommends the use of "Sunday" and/or "Indian Summer."

Please leave the resonant singing voices at home -- we require a thin, high-pitched whine. You're welcome to offset this with screams/shouts from a second vocalist, but nothing too blood-curdling.

Attire-wise, hoodies, ringer tees, and Dickies-style clothing are all preferred -- the more you look like a gas station attendant, the better.

Guitarists -- we encourage angularity, but don't be afraid of standard melodies and hooks. Now is not the time to be too arty or adventurous.

The more angsty and confessional your songs, the better. Don't feel bad about lyrically lashing out at the girls who've hurt you -- females will still come to your shows and sing along to every word. Stick to these guidelines and you're certain to rise quickly up the corporate ladder! -- Michael Alan Goldberg

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