By Corey Deiterman
By William Michael Smith
By Jef With One F
By Craig Hlavaty
By Jesse Sendejas Jr.
By Sonya Harvey
By Jesse Sendejas Jr.
By Nathan Smith
After perfecting my time-travel device, the Deus Ex Machina, I was ready to embark on its maiden expedition: a trip 16 years into the past to save my teenage self from the soul-crushing perils of gloomy music. Specifically, that of Depeche Mode.
The destination was 1990, my freshman year of high school, when I was 15 years old. Having been introduced to Depeche Mode two years before by a chance viewing of the video for "Never Let Me Down Again" on MTV, I'd since obtained the majority of the band's back catalog through mail-order salvation -- the Columbia House 12-for-a-penny deal. With the masterpiece Violator freshly released, my younger self's obsession was stronger than ever. Goaded by ominous synths and melancholy lyrics of obsession, doubt and remorse, I had been sucked into a hole of unearned pseudo-depression.
The Deus Ex Machina materialized, and I stepped outside. There I was before myself, but a pup working intently on my complicated hair, clad in only the finest pieces of black one could find at a pre-Hot Topic mall.
Future Me: Hey, younger me. I'm you, but from the future. Does that freak you out?
Past Me: Contrary. Because I am wont to forsake sports to watch Doctor Who, the physics of time and space are no secret to me. Yet your presence leads me to ask: Is the universe about to collapse upon its dreary self?
FM:Unlikely. So far, so good, anyway.
PM: Drat! I thought an end to my pain and misery had arrived.
FM: See, now that's exactly the kind of attitude I came to talk to you about. You've got to lighten up, and listening to Depeche Mode nonstop isn't doing you any favors. What's got you so down, anyway?
PM: My burdens are myriad. Showers after first-period gym. The hell of baby-sitting my little sister. And apparently I won't get any taller.
FM: Yeah, big suck. Thing is, you're about to reach a major turning point in your life -- a summer spent listening to Black Celebration on repeat and stressing out about that girl Katie.
PM: But she understands me! We speak on the phone for hours into the empty night, of both the nothingness of life and Beverly Hills 90210. Tell me this, Future Me, do I get lucky with her?
FM: Sadly, no. You make it to second base, at which point she dumps you for a foreign exchange student with exponentially better hair. Look, I brought you some stuff.
PM:The Sugarcubes? Jellyfish? The Stone Roses? What is this?
FM: Just something a little peppier, man. Come on, you're 15. You've got no responsibilities and a fairly good allowance. And I'll let you in on a little secret. The girls at school? They want it as bad as you do.
Suddenly, a chill passed through the room, and we discovered that another figure had joined us. I looked past his pasty skin to drown in black eyes from which hope could never escape.
Future Future Me: Gawk not at my awesomeness, Me and Me, for I am You a week after you make this voyage. Got that? From a mysterious dark benefactor, you score comp tickets to see Depeche Mode and are once again sucked into uncompromising fandom. I am here to tell you of the future that shall pass as well as to buy import singles and rare remixes.
I felt my heart turn cold. I knew what he said to be true. Realizing the ultimate futility of my mission, I boarded the Deus Ex Machina to journey back to the present day -- and the demise of my happiness. In the distance, I could hear a ring tone that sounded suspiciously like "Blasphemous Rumours" as Future Me's voice trailed off.
FFM:That was our wife. Pick her up some more eyeliner.
BETWEEN THE CRACKS
Band name: Downcry
What's in a name, particularly yours?Well, let's just say that we wanted to be a change from the norm.
Web site: www.downcry.com
Native or transplant? Native
When did you form? 2005
Releases/discography: Working on it!
Who or what do you think you sound like? We have an emotional power that you can sense as much as hear.
What are some of your noteworthy recent feats? Getting paid!
What albums have had the biggest impact on you? Sevendust, Home; Filter, all; Chevelle, Wonder What's Next; Incubus, Morning View
What artists have had the biggest impact on you? Sevendust, Filter, Chevelle, Incubus and Zeppelin
How do you pay the bills? What is your day job? Hair dresser, manager, manager, manager -- ugh!
Finish this sentence: If I didn't have to worry about money, I'd... play in a band full time.
Finish this sentence: I'd rather be... on stage at 2 a.m. than in bed!
Who would play you in the screen adaptation of your life? Angelina Jolie, Elizabeth Hurley, Scarlett Johansson and Pam Anderson...I just want to see them all together in one place, you never know what might happen.
Where do you see yourself in five years? Earth.
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