Holy Sh--!

The most-hyped hurricane season ever is upon us

Again, it seems the fun never stops. But the job does have its rewards.

"A lot of these people you encounter, they're the sweetest, kindest people," he says. "Some of them, they've lost their cars, they've lost their house, they're in there trying to rebuild and they see you and they offer you some sandwiches or some drinks that they might have...It just makes you want to be there because you see the need and see their spirit, and it just makes you proud to be a United States citizen when you see that." Road Songs, Part III

Ten hours into your drive, and there -- far out on the horizon -- you can just barely make out the huge Sam Houston statue that welcomes every crack dealer to Huntsville and life in TDCJ. You've been behind a family from The Woodlands, spread out among their three SUVs and trailing a boat and two Jet-Skis. Time to get back to the music:

11. "It's a Small World" -- Speaking of songs that are way too happy, my worst nightmare is being on this ride at Disneyland and getting stuck. And that's exactly how you'll feel when you're sitting in traffic with this on your stereo.

12. Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps" -- Here's a song guaranteed to reduce you to a zombie state. Remember that sketch on Saturday Night Live with the two cheerleaders? The first time I heard this "masterpiece," I thought it was them doing a parodyof this type of song. So, you're stuck on the highway. Whatcha gonna do with all that junk in your trunk?

13. Allman Brothers, "Whipping Post" -- This 23:04 version from Live at the Fillmore East will keep you occupied while sitting in traffic. In fact, why not just put this track on repeat? After all, you probably won't be able to tell where it ends and where it begins.

14. If all this doesn't succeed in putting you into a zombie state, how about 11 years' worth of demo recordings for the still-unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy? All you need is a stereo that plays mp3 files from a DVD. With that in your player, you'll still be sitting on the road long after the freeways have cleared out and everyone else has gone home.

Good Lord, that is one scary tape Sadof has put together. Listening to it might just cause permanent damage.

But hey, no one said this hurricane season was going to be easy.

Click here to view our Hurricane Tracking Map.
Click here to play Hurricane Bingo!
Click hereto see our Hurricane Checklist.
Click here for our four Fantastic Getaways!

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