Sloppy Seconds

It's off to war with the Food Fight Lunch Mob

Bare-chested and grinning, nine-year-old Trevor giggles madly as he stands in the center of a large aluminum tub under a hot August sun. Around him, adults are filling the tub with buckets of warm water and dumping in loaf after loaf of rotting white sandwich bread. The stuff comes up past the knees of Trevor's swim trunks. As he mashes the bread into lumps with his feet, a pile of kids in swimsuits jumps in with him. It looks like some sort of twisted winemaking party. A chubby black kid in shorts and goggles sums it up best: "We're standing in throw-up!"

Franco Tijera, a stocky, tanned dude with tattoos and a ponytail, directs traffic through a bullhorn. "See the people wearing scrubs? Go to them if anything gets in your eyes." A little boy tugs on his shorts. Franco leans down, listens and addresses the crowd. "Anthony had food poured down his pants and he didn't like it. So don't do it...or don't do it to Anthony. Everybody ready?"

Like a TV commercial for ice cream, the kids scream back: "Yeeeeeeaaaahh!"

Young Food Fighters make a nauseating bread-and-water gumbo.
Steven Devadanam
Young Food Fighters make a nauseating bread-and-water gumbo.

"Go! Go! Go!"

About 20 kids pick up the brown, mushy slop and start nailing each other with it. The air is filled with clumps of flying crap that splatters as it slaps against the kids' bodies. Their gleeful screams echo throughout the park: "Foooood fight!"

The fight is a kid's paradise: No nice clothes to worry about soiling, parents cheering -- not berating -- the attacks, and mountains of sickening crap to toss. "I made my ammo with mostly noodles and stuff," says Anthony. "I got it in a girl's hair. She's not gonna be able to get it out for a while," he says with a proud chuckle.

After the fight, the kids look like they've been swimming in regurgitated cookie dough. They clear it away from their faces, high-five each other, pose for pictures and saunter around like little badasses. Franco, again on the bullhorn, gets them back to their child labor. He has them clearing empty buckets and picking up anything hazardous to dump into trash bags. Then they prepare more putrid bread-and-water gumbo.

It's time for the adults to play.

The quiet Twin Lakes RV Park in Manvel, just off State Highway 6, is the site of Franco's 11th Food Fight. He started the event in 2003 as "just kind of an impromptu thing at Tio Pepe," with four people tossing food at each other at the restaurant. A little cleanup and a few apologies and explanations to the owners, and everything was cool.

Then one day, when Franco was out with his friend and mentor Jay Hamburger, a local man who delivers food to the homeless, a light bulb went off. "By the time Jay would get to all his spots, the food was spoiled," says Franco. "You're talking to homeless people, asking them how they're doing, and it takes time. Most of the loaves we had were unfit for human consumption."

Franco decided not to let the waste go to waste. He collected the moldy bread and turned it into ammunition for his Food Fight Lunch Mob (they have a MySpace page and everything). Though some other people make their own ammo with their own ingredients, he says he gets his stuff from "various food sources that provide wasted, expired food. It's stuff that would end up incinerated or in a city dump." He started throwing two or three food fights a year. "I always held them outdoors, and I'd make people bring canned goods for the homeless," he says. Now he charges $3 for admission, to cover costs. All participants have to bring items for the homeless -- toiletries, nonperishable food, clothing, anything. Franco puts care packages together and delivers them with Hamburger to homeless folks in the Sixth Ward.

Among today's crowd, Franco counts "professionals, attorneys, yuppies, soccer moms, hippies and stoners, pierced, tattooed, blacks, white, Latino, Chinese and even one Mexican national I picked up from Shepherd where the Mexicans hang out waiting for work." (The friendly guy chats in broken English as he grills some serious fajitas.)

In fact, most of the people here today are parents with kids. Trisha is here with her husband, Jason, and son, ZANE (yes, they spell it in all caps), as part of her birthday party. "Franco was like, 'Dude, you gotta come out, it's your birthday. What better way to celebrate?' My kid's having fun, and it's for a good cause," she says.

"Most of us have kids. We're in our twenties -- some people are in their forties -- and we just like coming out to the park, bringing our kids, barbecuing and having a good time," says Jason, a Food Fight veteran. "And all that food's going to waste, anyway. So it's a cool way to get rid of it."

Cool, yeah, but these adults get straight-up juvenile. "Last year I picked up a girl and dumped her headfirst in the tub," Jason recalls. "She came back and shoved a handful of the nastiest stuff I've ever tasted in my life in my mouth. I totally threw up all over the place. I still can't really talk about it without getting queasy."

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