(No) Beer at Concerts

Stay Dry, Stay Fly

For all the complaining I did growing up about wanting to buy beer at concerts (which was a lot), now that I'm of age I can't be bothered. I know what you're thinking: Beer and concerts go together like kegstands and house parties. But somewhere between being too cheap and actually being old enough to buy beer, it lost me. For whatever reason, I no longer see the awe of the clear plastic cup. Actually, there are several:

1. I hate beer. Something that tastes like warm piss does nothing for my palate.

2. Too expensive. Eight dollars for something that comes in a plastic cup? Eight bucks?!? For that price, I better get a bedazzled, gem-encrusted plastic cup.

3. Ultimately, most of the beer ends up on the floor anyhow. If I spend money on a drink, I'd rather not see 73.9 percent of it on the ground. Yes, that's the exact amount — studies have been done.

4. I'm not even thirsty. After a concert is usually when I crave a liquid beverage. By the way, I really miss Hi-C's Ecto Cooler (the one with Slimer on the box) — for some reason it always made my throat feel better.

5. Do I really want to be the girl with throw-up in her hair? No. I'll leave that to the cast of MTV's The Hills.

6. Being the obligatory inebriated woman at the Kelly Clarkson concert, screaming while simultaneously weeping to "Since U Been Gone," isn't somewhere I want to go. Maybe when I was 19...

7. It's possible to miss the entire show standing in line for one beer. How can I wait at the front of the stage for two hours if I'm in line? (Thanks, Rilo Kiley.) Besides, my bladder can't hold that much booze anyway.

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