Creationism, Food Not Bombs, Fake Panhandling

The findings: "We need our flea shots, anything helps" netted $26.40 in two hours. "My ex-wife had a better lawyer, now homeless" got only $6.60 in two hours. "Ninjas killed my family, need money for kung fu lessons" got $22.75.

For the record, Oxley and his cohorts gathered over $100. Calm down — they donated it all to a local soup kitchen.

Famous Last Words

Former Astros pitcher Roger Clemens has famously denied the allegations in baseball’s steroids report, allegations that basically have his butt being used as a pin cushion from all the performance-enhancing drugs injected into it. “I want to state clearly and without qualification: I did not take steroids, human growth hormone or any other banned substances at any time in my baseball career or, in fact, my entire life,” Clemens said in a statement. Of course, his pal Andy Pettitte, who also used to deny taking such substances, has now fessed up. And the allegations against Pettitte came from the same guy who accused the Rocket. So how does Clemens’s statement compare with other firm denials?