B.J.'S SPORTS PUB'S BUTTERY NIPPLE

As I entered B.J.'s Sports Pub (9615 Southwest Fwy., 713-272-6849) on a rainy Monday night, I spied all the essentials of a good-time neighborhood hang-out: shuffleboard, pool, darts, friendly regulars and a horseshoe-shaped bar with Roseanna holding court. Places like B.J.'s don't have specialty drinks, so I settled in with a brew to ponder what cocktail I would request when I overhead someone talking about boobies. Just the word boobies made me chuckle out loud. Then my twisted mind got stuck on why most of us are so fascinated by boobies (I love this noun). Babies and men can't live without them, and women spend way too much time worrying about the size of theirs, the size other gals have, bras, cleavage and silicone. My mammary musings inspired me to order a Buttery Nipple, a creamy blend of schnapps and Baileys Irish Cream. Before I sucked downed my shot, I pulled back my shoulders, adjusted my bra strap and silently toasted all of the beautiful hooters, titties, jugs, ta-tas, melons, speed bumps, bazongas, twins, fun-bags, cans, racks, party pillows, bosoms, busts, cupcakes, mosquito bites, puppies and boobies everywhere. Cheers!

1 ounce DeKuyper ButterShots schnapps

1/2 ounce Baileys Irish Cream liqueur

Pour schnapps in a shot glass. Very carefully try to layer the Baileys Irish Cream on top. If you are not successful, it still tastes the same. And remember — more than a mouthful is wasted.