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National Features

  • Phoenix New Times
    Canine Crusaders

    That drug-sniffing dog up ahead? He may not be your best friend.

    By Ray Stern
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    The Muscle Men

    Thanks to a string of Florida "anti-aging clinics," baseball's steroid scandal isn't limited to superstars.

    By Michael J. Mooney
  • Miami New Times
    Picked On

    Farm workers earn nada in America's green-bean capital.

    By Janine Zeitlin
  • Village Voice
    "Why I'm No Longer a Brain-Dead Liberal"

    An election-season essay from one of America's greatest playwrights.

    By David Mamet

To the soccer moms who come to her shows expecting bits about dating and PMS, comedian Lisa Lampanelli says in a loud, northeast accent: “Shut up ya dirty twat, lick it.” Lampanelli might dress like a housewife, but her crude, often offensive sets have nothing wholesome about them. Often compared to Don Rickles, she likes to chide her audience about everything from their looks (“You look like a retarded Harry Potter”), to their sexuality (“You’ve been going out two weeks? That’s four years in gay”), to their ethnicity (insert every racial stereotype imaginable). The heavy-set, middle-aged comedian appears regularly on Jay Leno and the Howard Stern Show, and her comedy album Dirty Girl won a Grammy nomination.

If you’re initially put off by her insensitivity, don’t worry, she’s got a soft side: “As a white bitch, I’ve always felt we owe you black men the oral sex to say ‘I’m sorry’ for slavery.” 8 p.m. Verizon Wireless Theater, 520 Texas. For tickets and information, call 713-230-1600 or visit www.verizonwirelesstheater.com. $35.
Fri., March 14, 8 p.m., 2008

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