Lisa Lampanelli

To the soccer moms who come to her shows expecting bits about dating and PMS, comedian Lisa Lampanelli says in a loud, northeast accent: “Shut up ya dirty twat, lick it.” Lampanelli might dress like a housewife, but her crude, often offensive sets have nothing wholesome about them. Often compared to Don Rickles, she likes to chide her audience about everything from their looks (“You look like a retarded Harry Potter”), to their sexuality (“You’ve been going out two weeks? That’s four years in gay”), to their ethnicity (insert every racial stereotype imaginable). The heavy-set, middle-aged comedian appears regularly on Jay Leno and the Howard Stern Show, and her comedy album Dirty Girl won a Grammy nomination.

If you’re initially put off by her insensitivity, don’t worry, she’s got a soft side: “As a white bitch, I’ve always felt we owe you black men the oral sex to say ‘I’m sorry’ for slavery.” 8 p.m. Verizon Wireless Theater, 520 Texas. For tickets and information, call 713-230-1600 or visit www.verizonwirelesstheater.com. $35.
Fri., March 14, 8 p.m., 2008