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I think this game might sell pretty well here, and who knows? It might be a reality sooner than we think. After all, I can remember when there was just one generic Monopoly set, and now they have a jillion themed sets. And hell, if Miami can get its own episode of this game, why not us?

Anyway, just for kicks, I designed my own (partial) radio universe for what I am calling Grand Theft Auto X: The Screwston Chronicles.

Gumbo Funk: Greasy jams from the Gulf Coast

Principal artists: The T.S.U. Toronadoes, the Meters, the Kashmere Stage Band, Archie Bell, Johnny "Guitar" Watson, Bo Dollis and the Wild Magnolias, Step Rideau, and Beau Jocque.

Radio 6400: For those who remember when ex-ing in Texas was free and legal

Principal artists: Alphaville, Bronski Beat, the Cure, the Smiths, the Normal, New Order, Erasure, Love and Rockets and Ministry.

Ridin' Dirty Radio: All U.G.K. all the time

Principal Artists: This would also include Bun B and Pimp C guest verses, remixes, mixtapes and solo records. Back in the early '80s, they actually tried this in Houston with the Beatles.

Balls and My Word: Houston hip-hop other than U.G.K.

Principal artists: Scarface/Geto Boys, Trae, Z-Ro, Slim Thug, Lil' Keke, DJ Screw, Fat Pat, Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, Big Moe. Devin the Dude. (Scarface, Willie D., Z-Ro, and Trae could be playable characters.)

The Quest for Pure Sanity: The weirdest and most unsettling music from Texas

Principal Artists: Butthole Surfers, 13th Floor Elevators, Jandek, Ornette Coleman, Daniel Johnston, Rusted Shut, the Legendary Stardust Cowboy, the Pain Teens, the Red Krayola, Jana Hunter, Bongo Joe, various Domokos projects, Linus Pauling Quartet, Culturcide.

Shady's Playhouse: Houston blues

Principal Artists: Albert Collins, Johnny Copeland, Lightnin' Hopkins, Bobby "Blue" Bland, Little Joe Washington, Joe "Guitar" Hughes, Earl Gilliam, Trudy Lynn.

The Old Quarter: Houston folk and ­country

Principal Artists: Guy Clark, Lucinda Williams, Townes Van Zandt, Robert Earl Keen, Rodney Crowell, Steve Earle, Eric Taylor, Nanci Griffith.

The Island: Best of Texas Punk/underground rock

Principal artists: Really Red, less freaky Butthole Surfers, Fatal Flying Guilloteens, various Tex Kerschen projects, Big Boys, Dicks, Scratch Acid, and I guess you'd have to throw the Judy's in here.

Radio Segundo Barrio: Old-school pachuco boogie

Principal artists: Los Skarnales, Don Tosti, Ritchie Valens, Los Lobos, Santana, Freddy Fender, various Doug Sahm projects, Sam the Sham, ? and the Mysterians, War, the Blazers, Los Lonely Boys.

Hand on the Pump: Hip-hop and modern pop with a Latin tinge

Principal artists: Cypress Hill, Juan Gotti, Fat Joe, various Dr. Dre projects, Pitbull, Chingo Bling, Lucky Luciano, SPM, Rob G.

Radio Free Katrinaville: For the New Orleanians in exile

Principal artists: The entire universe of New Orleans music, but heavy on stuff from today and the recent past, such as Lil' Wayne, Mystikal, Juvenile, Soulja Slim and the Rebirth, New Birth, Soul Rebels, and Hot 8 brass bands.

john.lomax@houstonpress.com

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