Once you've seen one onion ring, you've seen them all, right? Wrong. The Brick House Tavern & Tap (12910 Northwest Fwy., 713-462-0576) serves onion rings like you've never seen before. The onions are dipped in buttermilk and batter and then quickly fried so they're extremely crispy and not dripping in fat. They're also longer and thinner than ordinary onion rings; in fact, "onion strings" might be a more appropriate name — we found one that was over a foot long. The rings come piled high on an aluminum plate, for the incredible price of just $3.99.
Last weekend I went to the 290 location to watch some college basketball. I had spent the afternoon at St. Arnolds down the road, so when I sauntered into Brickhouse Tavern it was with a nice buzz and the hunger pangs that hit you when you realize that all you've had to "eat" all day is beer.
One of the friends that I went with said the only previous time he went the place was full of douchebags. I don't think thats necessarily true, but after spending some time there I can see why he would think that.
Walking in, I was struck with the impression that whoever made this place thought to themselves "What do 23 year old guys like? Mediocre, overpriced burgers? Check. Beer served in huge tubes that we can refer to as "bongs" to seem hip? Check. Couches? Check. TVs? Fuck yeah, let's put TVs EVERYWHERE. Scantily clad skanks with predictable banter? Check.Mate.
We ordered one of the bongs of beer to drink while we contemplated our food choices. "Hmm...," I thought to myself, "Should I try the Man-cave mac n' cheese or the bad boy chopped salad? I certainly can't order the submissive baked potato soup or the good-girl ceasar salad..."
I decided on the black & bleu burger, because bleu cheese is awesome. I also asked for a water because I was starting to feel the effects of all that beer filtering through my system unencumbered by any type of food whatsoever.
Apparently ordering water is tantamount to ordering the good-girl ceasar salad with a shirley temple. The waitress called me a baby and asked if I wanted a nipple with the water. Haha, yeah I get it. Water is for pussies.
When our food came out a few minutes later, she saw that we had not yet finished our tube of beer and made another comment about my manhood and practically demanded that we get another bong of beer. Step off bitch, I'm already drunk.
The burger patty was small and dry, fortunately there was enough bleu cheese to salvage the meal. I had one of the wings and was pleasantly surprised. Good tasting sauce with a nice crunch.
After the meal we sat around for a bit to catch the end of the game and were constantly harassed by our waitress to order more beer. We declined and our manhood was once again questioned. When we got the check we also got a baseball card with a glamour shot of our waitress on the front and her stats and hobbies on the back.
"What the fuck? Are we supposed to collect these and trade them with friends or just rip them apart and leave them on the table?" I wondered as I walked out, leaving the ripped apart card scattered like confetti at our table.
In conclusion, this place will probably be a success because there is a certain segment of the population who will come here religiously. That segment? Deuchebags.
