By Jeff Balke
By Aaron Reiss
By Angelica Leicht
By Dianna Wray
By Aaron Reiss
By Camilo Smith
By Craig Malisow
By Jeff Balke
Funny article: As I read, I was like "WTF." Then I thought, "April Fools' Day."
No thanks: Sorry, but not one moment while I read this "satire" did I find it clever, interesting, or funny. I read the entire article waiting for something worth reading, but it was a fool's errand. It reads like a high school columnist trying too hard to impress his peers. Just a lazy piece of writing. I expect way more from the HP.
Good job: After reading a couple of pages, I just had to check the date. This is the funniest thing I've read in awhile. Awesome, Mr. Connelly!
Rants and raves: This would've been a fun April Fools' gag if the writer hadn't turned it into just another Houston Press liberal rant. Been there, read that.
Save the Dome: The sad thing is, there are still no plans for the Dome.
Great stuff: It took me until the helicopters to realize what an idiot I am. Classic stuff. I think Palin is the next Teddy. Maybe they can let loose some HISD administrators for customers to hunt as well!
Falling hard: You've got to be f*cking kidding me! Of all the things to spend money on, this is the next notion? Sadly, it does seem that it's been plotted and planned. I wish so much effort would go into saving us from ourselves rather than the killing for profit. I'm outraged by this. With the job loss, foreclosures and hell this country is trying to avoid, can we honestly consider something like this? You might as well throw my child on the floor and put a bullet in her head, because something like this is going to glorify killing — first of animals, then people. We're in a f*cking city, people, you want to hunt? Go to the country, make a trip out of it and enjoy. Where's that clock tower when you need it?!
An admission: We fell for this HARD! We were getting our ideas for signs ready for the protest! HAA!
Very well done: This was absolutely hysterical. I just hope you do a follow-up story on how the county judge and Tilman Fertitta feel about this April Fools' joke. I hope they appreciate the humor.
Astrodome water park: This is the most idiotic idea I have ever heard of. Why not something like a great indoor water park that could be used year-round? But no, our great leaders want to kill animals. If we are going to do that, then make it a fair game. Only allow people to arm themselves with just a hunting knife.
B-R-A-V-O! I love that Animal Planet fell for it! Well done, Mr. Connelly!!
Leslie in H-Town!
Preserve the fornicatorium: Yes, yes, that's all very fine. These plans, if implemented, will doubtless continue to spread still further our hometown's reputation as a cultural supernova, and a sanctuary for taste and good breeding so lacking in the rest of the world. But there are holes in your purportedly thorough investigation. For example, where is there any provision that protects and restores the legacy of Judge Roy Hofheinz, who is to Houston what Pallas Athena was to Athens? A man whom, upon the Dome's unveiling, the Houston Chronicle compared to Kubla Khan himself, though Kubla's cheesy "stately pleasure dome" was a mere igloo next to the Judge's great steel and concrete pile. What provisions have been made to restore the Judge's private bowling alley? Will we have Cape Buffalo stampeding and defecating through the late Judge's vast private apartment, commented upon by architecture critics the world over for its crushed velvet-and-gold leaf, neo-Victorian-whorehouse decor. What of this fabled fornicatorium? Will it go the way of the Shamrock Hilton? I say, sirrah, do as you will with the Dome, but the Judge's private additions should be given inviolable landmark designation in perpetuity, NAY, the eternal shrine status they so obviously command.
Outstanding idea! Better yet, let's enlist the aid of the UTMB geneticists to manipulate strains of frog DNA to re-create dinosaurs and populate them on the ground floor. Why fiddle with mere animals, creatures of our current history? Let's bring in some big game! Let's make this a challenge any Texan would be proud to survive and finally walk out the South Exit! Remember, Texans always think big. Why limit ourselves to pesky little pythons and lions?
Perfect: I've been looking for a safe, carnival-style environment to teach my four-year-old son the joys of the hunt. The Kiddie Killin' Zone is perfect.
Ring, ring: And the outraged calls to my office begin in 3...2...1...I think I'd be interested in the "Junior Bwana" package if I could choose some of the other participants and I was fully insured against "mishaps."
Online readers comment on "Alleged Aggie Doctor Brags of Firing Obama-voting Employee," Hair Balls blog, by Richard Connelly, April 7: