2010 Turkeys of the Year

Metro chief Frank Wilson is our biggest gobbler.

b) Plaintiff Trae would also direct the court's attention to mainstream country radio, which plays awful music 24-7.

THEREFORE, the plaintiff wishes the court to issue a summary judgment declaring:

a) The Box is full of shit;

b) Nnete's ass is big.

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,

Trae

The actual lawsuit never quite made it to trial — after an initial hearing in which a bemused judge wondered just what he was supposed to be ruling on, the two sides settled.

All is more or less right in the Houston rap world again, and a rapper and a radio station have proven themselves more than worthy of being named Turkeys.
_____________________

Sports Turkey of the Year: UT's Mack Brown

We know what you Texans fans are thinking: UT Head Coach Mack Brown? Yet another case of the Texans' Gary Kubiak grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory. Kubiak came close to winning this, but in the end he couldn't compete with the total, hilarious collapse of the befuddled Brown.

The Longhorns came into the season as they always do — ranked in the top ten, sitting on four or five years worth of highly rated recruiting classes.

It's pretty difficult to overstate what a disaster this season has been: home losses to UCLA, Oklahoma State, Baylor (!) and Iowa State (!!!). A loss to Oklahoma. And complete domination by Kansas State.

Brown laid the blame exactly where he thought it should go: On everyone but him.

He blamed the players: "We stood around and got beat," he said after the Iowa State game. "I don't think it's talent. I think it's attitude."

He blamed his coaches: "If you're coaching a position, and your position's not playing well every week, I can't trust that you're doing a good job of coaching," Brown said, relaying what he said he had told his staff. "If one of your guys is playing bad, I can change him. If three of your guys are playing bad, I've got to change you."

If everyone's playing bad? Don't blame Brown.

Back in the glory days of Vince Young, Brown made a big deal out of how the youngsters had loaded up his iPod with rap, and he liked it. We didn't believe it then, we don't now, but we wonder if these tunes are on shuffle:

Public Enemy, "Welcome to the Terrordome"
Check the record
And reckon an intentional wreck
Played off as some intellect
Made the call, took the fall
Broke the laws
Not my fault that they're falling off
Known as fair square
Throughout my years
So I growl at the living foul
Black to the bone my home is your home
So welcome to the Terrordome

Or maybe

Eminem, "Who Knew"
But don't blame me when lil' Eric jumps off of the terrace
You shoulda been watchin him — apparently you ain't parents
So who's bringin the guns in this country? (Hmm?)
I couldn't sneak a plastic pellet gun through customs over in London
And last week, I seen a Schwarzenegger movie
where he's shootin all sorts of these motherfuckers with a uzi
I sees three little kids, up in the front row,
screamin "Go," with their 17-year-old Uncle
I'm like, "Guidance — ain't they got the same moms and dads
who got mad when I asked if they liked violence?"
And told me that my tape taught 'em to swear
What about the make-up you allow your 12-year-old daughter to wear?
(Hmm?) So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words
when his bus driver's screamin at him, fuckin him up worse

or

Mia X, "Don't Blame Me"
Don't blame me for the pain the world has caused
Don't blame me for your own imperfectionate flaws
If every individual were to accept his own blame
I think the world would be a better change
A better change

But we bet instead he's still listening to country. Like, maybe, Dwight Yoakam.

Dwight Yoakam, "Blame the Vain"
I blame the vain for what we wear,
And I blame the blind when we can't see.
I blame it all on someone else...
_____________________

Political Turkeys of the Year: The State Board of Education

Texas adopted new standards this year for social studies in its schools, and since the State Board of Education was dominated by hardcore social conservatives, things got horrifying and/or entertaining in a hurry.

Mostly horrifying, but undeniably entertaining, especially when entities like The Daily Show took on the subject.

How bad did things get? So bad that Republican voters revolted. They replaced the extremists with people who, while still staunchly conservative, at least promised to not go off the deep end.

Relive the fabulous year of 2010 with your elected State Board of Education with this multiple-choice quiz. We've been teaching to this test all year, so you should do well.

1. Which of these did NOT attend a SBOE board meeting in order to protest how conservatives wanted to portray slavery?

a) The head of the NAACP

b) A former U.S. Secretary of Education, also the former head of Texas's largest school district

c) The committee that wrote the draft guidelines on the subject

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