Come on Down, Casey

Why Casey Anthony Should Come to Houston

CRIME

Come on Down, Casey
Why Casey Anthony Should Come to Houston

By Richard Connelly

Casey Anthony, who according to a jury most definitely DID NOT murder her daughter Caylee, is a free woman.

No one seems to be sure where she's headed, but at one point rumors were saying she'd come to Texas.

We think she should, especially Houston. We are well suited for her, for the following five reasons:

5. Andrea Yates

Casey, you definitely, definitely (according to a jury) did not drown your two-year-old daughter. Definitely. But let's just assume arguendo — strictly as a devil's advocate thing, you know — that possibly, maybe, perhaps the jury got it wrong. Just spitballing here. Even if that were the case, you would be a mere piker when it came to mothers drowning their kids. Houston's Andrea Yates will, we fervently hope, forever hold that record.

When someone hassles you in Houston, you can always tell them, "At least I'm not Andrea Yates" if the whole "I was found not guilty, dammit" thing somehow doesn't work.

4. We love people who trick the justice system.

We're not saying this applies to you, of course, because you are as innocent as, say, a two-year-old daughter who ended up brutally murdered. But there's been a lot of criticism that you somehow hoodwinked the jury and escaped justice, from people who obviously haven't heard all the facts about your innocence. Well, a lot of people still love Roger Clemens around here. And if you want to see someone giving the middle finger to the court and living to tell the tale as a free man, look no further than the Rocket.

3. Ash Robinson and Blood and Money.

We're not sure how much of a reader you are, Casey, seeing how you stay so busy being not guilty of murder and everything. But if you've ever read Blood and Money, you'd know Houston is just the place for someone to not go to jail for a crime he didn't commit or get involved in or even knew about until he read it in the papers. The guy who killed Ash Robinson's beloved daughter had escaped a murder conviction (Sound familiar?), but he somehow ended up dead soon after. Ol' Ash was shocked, shocked to hear about it, and he never was charged with anything.

If you're not a reader, Andy Griffith played him in a miniseries.

2. We looove crazy mothers, like the Cheerleader Mom.

Look, you definitely didn't murder your kid. According to a jury. But maybe you weren't the world's greatest mom, you know? Don't worry — here in Houston you won't be too far out of line. There's Andrea Yates, as we mentioned, and then there's Wanda Holloway, who — even you are not going to believe this — hired a hit man to take out the mother of a girl who was competing with Holloway's daughter for a cheerleader spot. Crazy, right? Not in Houston. She served all of six months in jail.

1. You can get Astros tickets real cheap.

Really, they're just about giving them away. Of course, the team sucks, and watching them can be punishment. Not that you've done anything worthy of punishment. According to a jury.

Doing It Daily

There's tons of stuff each day on the Houston Press blogs; you're only getting a taste of it here in the print edition. Head to blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs (or "/rocks" or "/eating" or "/artattack").

_____________________

DOING IT DAILY

There’s tons of stuff each day on the Houston Press blogs; you’re only getting a taste of it here in the print edition. Head to blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs (or “/rocks” or “/eating” or “/artattack”).

Spaced City

We told you the best places to find a millionaire in Houston, and how the city could deal with its fast-growing population. (No city in the country grew faster over the last ten years, a Rice study says.) Rick Perry's Prayerapalooza will be countered in Houston with a day of gluttony and debauchery; savvy Houstonians are using the many drought-caused water-main breaks to take care of their lawns; and a Houston sports-bar institution got some national love.

Sports

We asked readers to caption a picture of Rick Perry as Aggie quarterback, taken from a video-game promo, and they delivered. We pondered the future of Astros manager Brad Mills, who seems unwilling to give his promising young talent ("promising" being somewhat relative, since it's the Astros, after all) a chance to take their lumps and learn in the bigs. We analyzed the Roger Clemens trial debacle and, in honor of the Women's World Cup, looked at five scores that seemed to be game-winners but weren't.

Art Attack

Folks talked our ears off last week at Art Attack, as we heard from director Stephen Bannon about his controversial film about Sarah Palin, The Undefeated, from author Alex Kava about how she learned to love her Maggie O'Dell character and from comedian Paula Poundstone about the comedy circuit in the '80s. We gave you a list of winning Scrabble words, a list of fashion apps, and a list of '80s cartoons that should be rebooted. We celebrated Bastille Day with French art and Jane Lynch's birthday with her greatest bit parts.

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