Turkeys of the Year 2011

We combed through an abundance of riches this year to bring you the best of the worst

And then there was HISD's Manuel Rodriguez Jr. Never one of the most inspiring members of the school board, Rodriguez apparently sensed his re-election bid was in trouble.

He sent out a flyer just days before Election Day that offered reasons to vote against his opponent, Ramiro Fonseca.

Highlighted in that list about Fonseca: "Program manager of minority male initiative at HCC. His records show he spent years advocating for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender rights...not kids."

Rick Perry: There could be no other.
AP Photo/David J. Phillip
Rick Perry: There could be no other.
Even on his way out, Drayton McLane found one last way to screw Astro fans.
Marco Torres
Even on his way out, Drayton McLane found one last way to screw Astro fans.

Thinking that might be too subtle for his constituents, Rodriguez added that Fonseca was endorsed by the Houston GLBT Caucus.

Still afraid the message had not gotten through, the list ended with these two bullet points:

• 54 years old man with no children

• Male partner

We can only surmise there wasn't room to include

• LIKES STEPHEN SONDHEIM MUSICALS

• PROBABLY WATCHES PROJECT RUNWAY

• HAS SEX WITH DUDES

• IS GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After (very barely) winning re-election, Rodriguez apologized. And he apparently had read Larry Taylor's Apologizing for Dummies in the interim.

He said, "I am aware that some people have said they were offended by one of my ads, and I apologize to all of those people."

Oh, Manuel: Some? You couldn't even bring yourself up to a Larry Taylor "many"?
_____________________

Turkey Sportsman of the Year:
Drayton McLane

Like Rick Perry, Astros owner Drayton McLane has won this trophy before, but his unparalleled performance this year — even as he was selling the team to a new owner — easily precluded anyone else winning in his stead.

Just think of the baseball world six short years ago:

• The Astros won the pennant and brought the World Series to Houston.

• The Texas Rangers weren't even an afterthought, and the idea of a World Series in Arlington was as laughable as it should be in a proper universe.

• The Astros were in the National League, where they were born, where Houston fans had been weaned even as the city only had a farm team, where God intended them to be.

Now look at the baseball world circa 2011:

• The Astros lost more than 100 games. This is almost statistically impossible if you field nine reasonably healthy human beings each game who have held a baseball bat and glove at some point in their life.

• The Rangers are coming off their second straight World Series appearance, although thankfully they have been beaten each time.

• The Astros roster is not only completely free of exciting big-league-level talent, the farm system is utterly barren.

They are moving to the American League.

Gee, Drayton, how can we thank you?

Moving to the plodding American League, with its strange Royals and A's, is so heinous a move that McLane had to knock $65 million off the agreed-upon $680 million purchase price. The "That's a fact, Jack" furniture guy doesn't cut such desperate deals to move a damaged armoire.

The new owner — and, quite possibly, future Turkey Sportsman candidate — is Jim Crane, whose businesses have been hampered with EEOC complaints and allegations of war profiteering. Crane promises that rebuilding the team will be a slow, steady process, emphasis on the nicely cheap "slow."

McLane's legacy will live on in many ways: In the relatively nice ballpark that he has schlocked up beyond recognition by covering every square inch with hideous ads; with a ready-made excuse by any new Astros executive for the next five years ("The cupboard was bare when we got here"); by watching old ballplayers who can't field their positions lumber to the plate as DHs.

Drayton, we wish we could say we hardly knew ye, but your huckster spirit will live on in Houston for a long time to come.
_____________________

Turkey Party:
Beer Fest

Holding a festival in downtown Houston in June is something that takes some planning. The sun will likely be sweltering, so you want to be sure you have crowd-control and line issues taken care of.

Someone apparently forgot to tell that to organizers of the Houston Beer Fest in Hermann Square Park.

Obviously, the idea of a Houston Beer Fest was a good one: More than 20,000 tickets were sold.

First problem was that the location only had a capacity of 12,000. (Maybe the organizers just really loved The Producers.)

The results were what you'd expect — long, long lines leading to overwhelmed ticket-takers (as in two and a half hours to get in), long lines for beer, and much, much grumpiness.

The event was supposed to last until 10 p.m. The beer ran out hours before then, and the water had run out by 5 p.m.

Fun!!!

So all the downtown bars benefited because people ditched the Fest for some a/c and easy-to-buy beer, right? Not really. Although there were big crowds in the bars, no one had really planned for that and so the places were also overwhelmed.

The organizers, who faced questions about their nonprofit status before the event, were as classy in reacting to the debacle as they were smart about organizing it.

They put up a Facebook page called "I hate the Houston Beer fest" before anyone else could. They took their Twitter account private, and ducked reporters' questions.

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Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Jrtentlaw
Jrtentlaw

Wow, so according to your "story" someone loses their shirt trying to bring quality shows to Houston and decides to get out of the business and has to cancel a few shows in the process and this is how the Houston Press treats them. No wonder the Houston music scene is the national joke that it is. Instead of going to the source you quote people who refuse to be identified (probably because they are full of shit). Talk about Journalistic integrity..I remember working the door for several of Mike's shows and Houston Press people always begging to get in free. Were they covering the shows? no, they just couldnt be bothered to support their scene. Those who cant do, write.

Gaff in a Head Act
Gaff in a Head Act

OK, I was in the mood for turkey this week, but after reading this, I am sated. Or is that sickened? Nice roundup of a bunch of fowl folks.

 
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