The 2011 Houston Press Crimes of the Year

From a fake vampire to a getaway guy in a wheelchair, a defendant peeing in court to a cop-car backseat blow job, it's been a wild year.

Ryals knew that these women believed that she, too, had been involved in reporting them to CPS, so she says she went to her bedroom to fetch a .22 caliber pistol and made a break for the back door with her husband. Unfortunately, Connie Shaukat was already in the house and she had a Louisville Slugger in her hands. Paul Ryals ended his strategic retreat and counter­attacked, using his left hand to put Connie in a choke hold and grabbing the bat with his right, causing both of them to tumble to the floor. Kimberly Ryals then stated that she walked up to Connie and shot her twice with the pistol — once in the back and once in the back of the neck. Alarmingly, according to the report, "Shaukat continued to fight and did not appear to be hindered."

Meanwhile, by this time Robin Minton had come around to the back door. Kimberly Ryals popped a cap at her, too, but missed. Connie Shaukat picked herself up off the ground and then fled out the back door with Minton. Kimberly ­Ryals utilized this interlude to call police.

And then she saw Adnan Shaukat and his buds coming after them. The Pakistani allegedly had a pair of bolt-cutters in one hand and he was coming for Paul Ryals, who by this time had availed himself of Connie Shaukat's bat. Paul says Adnan swung the bolt-cutters at him and missed, and Paul swung the bat at his head and connected. Paul says he then turned to find the whereabouts of the other two men. Once he found them, he was alarmed to note that one of them had a fucking hand grenade in his hand.

Just then Adnan charged again with the bolt-cutters. Apparently they were now outside, because Paul Ryals says he staved off this counterattack by availing himself of the machete he keeps in his work truck. And so they dueled, bolt-cutters versus machete...and then grenade guy ran up and dropped the bomb next to him. (It later transpired that the grenade was a harmless replica.) Grenade dude then somehow got control of the machete, and then Paul Ryals says he was tussling with him instead of Adnan.

By then a third man had picked up the bolt-cutters and started whaling on Paul Ryals. Paul says he fell to the ground and cried out to his wife for help, all while all three of the men were kicking him. Kimberly Ryals says she picked up a glass ashtray and beat Adnan Shaukat about the head with it vigorously.

But Kimberly Ryals evidently forgot about Minton and Connie Shaukat, because while she was brandishing the ashtray, those two women sneaked up behind her, with Connie Shaukat allegedly laying into her with a garden hoe, causing her to fall to the ground and go into the fetal position, whereupon Connie and Robin starting kicking her repeatedly.

She says she looked up and saw an unidentified man looming over her with a metal tool. Perhaps he was hearing years of Mortal Kombat training urging him to "Finish her!" but thankfully he didn't get the chance. Just as she yelled that police were on the way, sirens were heard in the distance, and all the suspects fled. Kimberly Ryals says her lacerated head required nine staples to mend, and both she and her husband say they had multiple bruises and contusions.

Only Adnan Shaukat was arrested in the immediate aftermath — he's been charged with second-degree felony burglary and is still behind bars. The same charges now face Minton and Connie Shaukat, both of whom were picked up in October.

And despite being shot twice, Connie Shaukat didn't slow her roll one bit. In fact, if her Facebook page is to be believed, since this incident occurred, she has divorced Adnan and gotten remarried, five days after this insane melee, to the very same man who bailed her ex-husband out of jail.

Davon Stewart's Wild Night

Few of us get into fistfights as adults, or get run over by trucks. Fewer of us still bite off a chunk of someone's ear or flee the cops, and even fewer of us still do so in a wheelchair. In all recorded history, perhaps only Davon LeShannon Stewart has done all four of those things in a single night.

Here is how it all went down back on February 21. Like so much other area mayhem, the story is set at a party at a Southwest Houston apartment complex. Stewart is hearing-impaired but can speak if needed, and he was there conversing with a man we'll call Jaime, who is also hearing-impaired but speaks using sign language. Though it was only about 6:30 p.m., Stewart was reportedly drunk off his ass and constantly butting into Jaime's conversation with a third man, so often that a frustrated Jaime finally felt he could get Stewart to zip it only by dumping a bottle of malt liquor over his head.

This did not get the desired result, and Stewart went on the attack. He knocked Jaime's girlfriend out of the way and then grappled with Jaime, who says he managed to get Stewart into a bear hug. Somehow Stewart got loose and bit off a chunk of Jaime's ear, whereupon he fled into the night.

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8 comments
CalviJenitta
CalviJenitta

@Ratinal Typical accept it usually a cop being serviced especially sheriffs.cop criminal...It’s hard to believe that my co-worker's half-sister makes $86 hourly on the internet. She has been out of work for 7 months but last month her check was $7871 while working on the internet for a few hours a day. For more visit this site... MakeCash17.com

Stacey
Stacey

@starxyz .........my classmate's mom makes $79/hr on the internet. She has been without a job for 8 months but last month her paycheck was $7695 just working on the internet for a few hours. Here's the site to read more LazyCash4. com

Jenzworldusa
Jenzworldusa

Typical accept it usually a cop being serviced especially sheriffs.cop criminal

Mikoe Wozz
Mikoe Wozz

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Geezy
Geezy

Quality shit all year Lomax, right up until the very end. Kudos sir- can't wait to see what get's dropped on us for 2012.

MadMac
MadMac

Excellent recap, Mr. Lomax. This is a supply of funny to last us into March 2012 at least.

 
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