CVS: No Birth Control

Won't sell morning-after pill to man.

SPACED CITY

CVS: No Birth Control
Won't sell morning-after pill to man

By Richard Connelly

If you keep a Plan B morning-after pill around for emergencies, sometimes it's going to get used, which means you're going to have to go get a new one, right?

And if you're a chivalrous dude, you'll offer to do the chore yourself.

That's what Isaac Kurtz set out to do, and so he went to the downtown CVS on Main Street and asked the pharmacist for a Plan B pill and a pregnancy test.

No way, the pharmacist said.

"She tells me she needs to speak with the woman," Kurtz says. "I'm taken aback by this and ask her what she needs to talk to her about, I bought them here before without issue. She then tells me she won't sell it to men."

Kurtz says the pharmacist told him that it was her "personal belief," and not CVS policy, that led to her refusal to sell the item to him.

We asked CVS about all this, and they said mistakes were made.

"We apologize for the isolated incident in our Houston pharmacy in which a male customer was unable to purchase this item," CVS spokesman Michael DeAngelis said. "We are following up [with] the pharmacy staff to ensure that our policies are properly followed to prevent a recurrence of this incident."

Here's his description of the company's policy:

CVS/pharmacy's policy is to follow FDA regulations for the sale of emergency contraception and it is our pharmacists' responsibility to ensure that all customer needs are promptly and completely satisfied. As such, there is no company policy that prevents the sale of emergency contraception to a male customer. Under federal law and some state laws, we must also accommodate a religious conviction that may prevent a pharmacist from dispensing a medication, provided that other arrangements can be made in advance to ensure the customer's medication needs can be satisfied.

So be a man and go get your woman her damn pills, dudes. CVS won't stop you.
_____________________

WHATEVER

Texas's First Dating Rules Expert

By Craig Malisow

With so many online dating and former Soviet mail-order bride choices out there, it's sometimes hard to tell where to get the most bang (heh) for your buck. So when a flack for CupidRadar told us the site had teamed up with Texas's first dating coach certified in the art of The Rules, we thought we'd check it out.

How does one qualify to be certified in The Rules, you ask. Well, you take an exam through the Rules Web site. Apparently, you have to know a thing or two about relationships, because you can charge people for your advice. If coach Kim Evazians, of Austin, charged us for the time for our interview, we'd have had to cough up about $90. And that didn't even include phone sex.

But her clients — women only — aren't looking for that, obviously; they come to Evazians to hear not only a Rules-based perspective, but a philosophy she calls "The Modern Geisha." At first we got all excited because we thought geishas were pretty much just mimes of the prostitute world, but it appears that we were misinformed, and Evazians's deal is all about empowering women and stuff.

While Evazians says the Rules have their place, and they do work, the Modern Geisha theory is more sensual than pedantic. As she says of the Rules, "The name itself is a little negative and it sounds about as sexy as the Holy Bible."

That's why the Modern Geisha is all about secrets and mantras, such as, "A Modern Geisha is always calm, beautiful, happy, serene, grateful and unperturbed." Also, "A Modern Geisha is always moving in a good mood," which she describes as, "basically, it's my way of saying, 'Don't be a bitch.'" Personally, our favorite part of the Modern Geisha philosophy is when Evazians counsels clients on "the pleasures of the bed."

Evazians also offers emergency counseling, whereby a client can text a "911" request during a critical time when "she's either about to gouge his eyes out, choke him, slash his tires, go boil his rabbit," Evazians jokes. While the whole concept is kind of difficult for us to picture, Evazians says it's one of her most popular services — probably because it's in those instances where she's especially frank with the freaking-out client.

It's just too bad Evazians doesn't coach dudes, because we'd like to hear more about this "pleasures of the bed" business. But maybe a Modern Geisha can fill us in one day.
_____________________

CRIME

Gives Child Porn to Kids to Take to School

By Richard Connelly

Mark William Woerner, 55, is being sent to federal prison for a long, long time — 80 years, in fact — and with the evidence produced at his trial, not many people are going to question that.

Among his highlights, according to the U.S. Attorney's Office: Possessing at least 8,000 images of child porn. Sexual abuse and exploitation of minors. Soliciting an inmate to kill an FBI agent scheduled to testify against him at trial.

Oh, and giving kids thumb drives packed with child porn and suggesting "that the juvenile take it to school to share with other students."

He apparently was eager to share his child porn with kids: "Woerner's sentence was further enhanced because he had distributed images and videos of child pornography to minors and requested that they send him child pornography in return," the USAO said.

The images "included minors under the age of 12, as well as material that portrayed sadistic or masochistic conduct or other depictions of violence," prosecutors said.

Federal Judge Hilda G. Tagle sentenced the Los Fresnos man to serve a series of terms consecutively, meaning he'll be in prison without a chance of parole for 80 years.

"Judge Tagle also ordered him to pay a fine of $25,000 and restitution in the amount of $2,246 to the victims," the USAO said.

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