2012 Turkeys of the Year

Puffed up, plucked and ready for roasting, here's this year's best of the worst.

CRIMINAL JUSTICE TURKEY
Harris County District Attorney Pat Lykos

For this one, we thought it'd be best to just provide the unexpurgated oath Pat Lykos swore to upon taking office. Looking at it now, we have to admit we, like the rest of local media, fell asleep. In hindsight, we should've seen it coming.

"I, Patricia R. Lykos, do solemnly swear or affirm that I will support the Constitution of the United States and of the State of Texas, and the laws thereof, although I shall not confirm nor deny my fingers are crossed behind my back, where you cannot see them. I promise to faithfully represent the State of Texas in all criminal matters before the District of Harris County Courts, except when my interests are more important, a matter that will be entrusted to my sole discretion as Queen of This Mother-effing Criminal Justice Building, beyatches. I will act strictly in the interest of justice for the State of Texas, but I am only human and cannot discount the possibility of my office being the subject of a grand jury investigation. Nor can I discount the possibility of my office being the subject of two grand jury investigations, one of which having to do with alleged misconduct, vis a vis faulty mobile breathylizer van readings. However, if either of these scenarios come to pass, I will do my best to comply with the requests of said grand jury/juries and special prosecutors, provided I am not in Hawaii for a seminar on drug trafficking. Wink-wink. And in the event that any of my henchmen — err, assistant district attorneys — are called to testify, I will instruct them not to invoke their Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination; however, as previously mentioned, my fingers may or may not still be crossed. I will also in no way utilize the investigative resources of my office to task my flying monkeys to conduct background searches on the grand jury members. So ­sayeth I."

No United Nations conspiracy can get past Houston Councilwoman Helena Brown.
Chris Curry
No United Nations conspiracy can get past Houston Councilwoman Helena Brown.
No one with an eight-year, multimillion-dollar contract should look this unhappy.
Aaron M. Sprecher
No one with an eight-year, multimillion-dollar contract should look this unhappy.

See what we mean?

TURKEY JOURNALIST
Sarah Tressler

The Press took a lot of heat for alleged "slut-shaming" Tressler, a society reporter for the Houston Chronicle who moonlighted as a stripper. Caught unawares, the Chron fired Tressler, ostensibly for not listing her stripping gig as "previous employment" on her application. The Hearst lawyers probably high-fived themselves for that one, because it had the ring of truth, when really her bosses just had to be embarrassed. Which is kind of funny: if you're not embarrassed for running "society" pages in 2012, then, really, you're missing the forest for the trees. Frankly, we don't think Tressler should have been canned. We could understand if she, say, covered crime — in the book she published after the outing, Diary of an Angry Stripper, she writes of the rules she learned upon her hiring at one club, "Pay no attention if you see a girl giving a blow job in the next booth." Because that would be ignoring a crime, and you shouldn't do that if you write about the criminal justice system. But again, it's okay, because she wrote about charity galas. She did not, say, break stories about the thousands of untested rape kits at the Houston Police Department, like another reporter at her paper.

We could also understand if the Chron was nervous about some of her humor; like warning strippers to be wary of "ESL-ers" and "rittle" Asian men. Or biting her tongue instead of telling a customer she would never date him "because you're a short Mexican in a bad suit." Again, a reporter should think twice before posting racially charged content — especially if it's not actually humorous.

Also, some reporters (and their editors) tend to be concerned about public perception. Accepting a meal or gift from a source might not influence your story one tiny bit, but the perception of conflict of interest is just as bad. So when Tressler writes about dancing at Treasures, which she says "has a notorious reputation as a strip club that functions more like a whorehouse," she's fully aware of how others might perceive her. The city of Houston certainly believes it functions like a whorehouse, which is why it spends so much money trying to shut the place down. Perhaps it's not the den of iniquity that some people believe it to be, but if you're aware of this reputation, then there is nothing wrong — as a reporter-slash-stripper — with saying, "I will not dance at Treasures." You might even do this out of deference to your colleagues at the paper who have to cover the city's battle against Treasures. You might be sacrificing some dough. You might be frustrated because you know you are not a prostitute. But that's just one of those things. Again: Tressler wrote boilerplate copy for grip-and-grins, so this was not the issue it might have been had she covered city politics.

Many of the comments the Press received in the wake of Tressler's outing opined about how Tressler must be laughing her way to the bank. She got a book deal and a temporary gig with Good Morning America. She continues to teach communications at the University of Houston. She got a primo education at NYU. They're right: Tressler has money and fame, unlike most of her former colleagues at the Chron. All those people did was bust their hump, 24-7, to cover important trials, political corruption, wrongful convictions, abuses of power, and stories of the downtrodden. If they were lucky, they survived round after round of layoffs. They dealt with prickly officials who don't like to talk and prefer to do their business in secret. They did not supplement their income with hundreds and hundreds of dollars in cash on a nightly basis. If they blogged about funny-looking guys in ill-fitting clothes offering them money to drink their own piss, they were smart enough to do it in such a way as to not get caught.

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6 comments
Schitt.Rumpney
Schitt.Rumpney

I nominate SchittRumpney, Doofus JunkTrump, Noot, Dushe Limbaugh and the likes for Turkeys Of The Year

texasmovieshd
texasmovieshd

SO MANY TURKEYS, YET YOU FOLKS LEFT OUT THE BIGGEST TURKEY OF THEM ALL, CONSTABLE VICTOR TREVINO, THE MEXICAN-BORN SHIT FACE THAT IS THE BIGGEST BANDIDO TO EVER WEAR A TEXAS PEACE OFFICER BADGE. HE WAS INDICTED LAS NOV. 16, 2012, ON FOUR FELONIES OF CORRUPTION - BUT THIS MORON REFUSES TO STEP DOWN AND WAIT FOR HIS TRIAL LIKE A MAN OF INTEGRITY. HERE'S AANOTHER CLINCH, THE GRAND JURY DO NO KNOW ABOUT OTHER SHENANIGANS, INCLUDING HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH RUBEN GUERRA, A HEROIN CONVICTED FELON AMONG OTHER CRRIMES. I HAVE A LOT OF SCOOP ON THIS RELATIONSHIP AND MANY OTHER SHENANIGANS BY TREVINO  CHECK IT OUT AT facebook.com/J.j.Garcia

gossamersixteen
gossamersixteen topcommenter

@texasmovieshd And you had to type that in all caps why? Amy Davis from KPRC definitely should be on this list too.

texasmovieshd
texasmovieshd

I AM AN EXPOSED MARINE VETERAN - COLON CANCER, LOST LEFT EAR HEARING, LOST TWO FINGERS, HAD TWO FACIAL SURGERIES, AND MY EYESIGHT SUCKS TOO, THEREFORE I TYPE IN CAPS. IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, I AM THE ONE THAT HAS PAID DEARLY WITH MY HEALTH ISSUES. SATISFIED?.

MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

I notice you managed the link in lower case. Meanwhile I come from a family of jarhead vets and I promise you, your service doesn't cover acting an @ssclown. Consider increasing your screen resolution/font size.

 
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