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Oh look, "Sleigh Ride" by Johnny Mathis, a man whose albums infest thrift-store LP bins like roaches in Montrose apartments. I kid.

"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon has gotten less happy and more depressing to me as the years go by. It must be Lennon's animated emoting.

And the award for Whitest Christmas Song Ever goes to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings" by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan. Free puppies for all!

Marco Torres

The station ID break just said that they are broadcasting from the North Pole. Man, I bet it was expensive moving everyone up north for a few months. Terrestrial radio has deeper pockets than we all thought. What a scam.

HOMESTRETCH. I am on my last five minutes.

Amy Grant is 52 years old? When did that happen? Oh, damn you, Vince Gill, for marrying her and sucking the life out of her. She needs a pop renaissance.

My annual hour of holiday tunes ends fittingly with "Mary, Did You Know?" by Rascal Flatts. Rascal Fartts. Rascal Fatts. Rascal Crapps. Raggle Fraggle.

Is it January yet??

NO.

It can't end like this. It won't.

Here comes Burl Ives to close me out the old-fashioned way, with "Holly Jolly Christmas."

Thank you, fat Christmas angel.
_____________________

Sonidos y Más

TRAGOS AMARGOS
The Top 5 overplayed songs at Mexican weddings.
By Marco Torres

Last month, Rocks Off contributor and all-around nice guy Jeff Balke enlightened us with a list of songs that are standard operating procedure at weddings. But as much as I love "Twist & Shout" and "YMCA," in my very Mexican experience, those songs were not what I was used to hearing when one of my hundred or so cousins got married.

DJs at Mexican weddings certainly have their own arsenal of go-to canciones to pack the dance floor, from huapangos to cumbias, rancheras y más. If you are ever invited to a wedding here in Houston or anywhere in South Texas, I bet this list accurately reflects that experience. So put on your pointy boots and listen up to the following:

Vicente Fernandez, "El Rey": Nothing says "Mexican Wedding" like Vicente Fernandez. Actually, Chente is appropriate for any Mexican occasion.

Maná, "Oye Mi Amor": A little rock en español for the youngsters will keep the party going.

Los Tigres del Norte, "La Puerta Negra": Los Tigres del Norte are like the Beatles of Mexico. They are adored for their songs of struggle, love and lust. I used to sing this song at the top of my lungs as a kid while my dad grilled fajitas and costillas in the backyard of our East End Houston duplex. Hearing this song at a wedding brings back so many memories of my dearly departed mother, who with the most beautiful smile would encourage me to sing, no matter how badly off-key I was.

"Carnavalito": Not sure how this one fits in, but this line dance is easy to learn, and somehow it works. Why this is played at Mexican weddings continues to baffle me.

"Tragos Amargos": At the end of the night, when the lights are turned on and everyone is looking for a designated driver, this is the song that gets played. A song of heartbreak and heartache, this gets you right in the feels. The perfect ending to a fun night.

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