Meet the Grinch

"Find out on Friday, December 21, when you can bid on a 'mini' dream date with your favorite Most Eligible and mingle with 500 of the city's most fantastic over a DJ, food, burlesque, prizes and more."

So, this sexy, hip party filled with spectacular (you know the rest) singles will also have "500 of the city's most fantastic" what? People? Dogs? Cadaver skulls? Green beans? Christmas lights? Picture frames? Wire hangers (NO WIRE HANGERS!)? Mitsubishi Galants? Circus freaks? WHAT?!?

And might I just suggest that you are going to confuse the shit out of everyone when you say they can mingle over a DJ, food, prizes and BURLESQUE? First, how do you even logistically mingle OVER that. It's more like you would mingle near it. But semantics aside, how does burlesque figure into this party and why? Were the bachelors and bachelorettes not sexy enough that you needed to include burlesque?

And since we're on the subject, will the burlesque performers be auctioned off as well? Because, let's be honest, that might bring in the most cash of the night.

It's all very confusing, but it's also for charity, so good luck to CultureMap; the bright, driven, fun-loving, talented, captivating, accomplished and spectacular Most Eligibles; and the 500 most fantastic [fill in the blank] to attend the hippest, sexiest, most anticipated party of the year. Get out there and sell some humans!

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