Texas Crimes of the Year, 2012

As it turns out, Texans indulged in all seven of the deadly sins.

Six months later in Spring Branch, there was a similarly horrific fight, one that also involved a couple and a sibling and a severed snout.

After a long night in the clubs back in July, Ivon Rodriguez, her sister Lluvia and Lluvia's husband returned to their apartment. There, according to an HPD affidavit, an altercation ensued, with Lluvia and her husband the initial combatants. Ivon attempted to intervene, but Lluvia did not take kindly to Ivon's peacemaking. First Lluvia bit Ivon's arm.

And then...We'll let Officer M.M. Wallace, investigator in the Special Crimes Unit, Family Violence Division, speak for himself. "The Defendant then bit the Complainant's nose off, severing it and detaching her nose from her face, causing pain and serious bodily injury."

Yes, that might smart a wee bit.

Ivon and her nose were rushed to Ben Taub, where the crack emergency room doctors were able to put it back where it belonged. Lluvia Rodriguez, 29, was charged with aggravated assault of a family member, a second-degree felony punishable by up to 20 years in prison.

But Montgomery County's Robin Alyse Scott was this year's Wrath Queen. According to published reports, the 21-year-old was driving through rural MoCo and got involved in a road-rage incident with another woman, one who had several children with her in her car. That woman said Scott was tailgating her and honking at her, and finally rear-ended her.

The woman managed to put some distance between her car and Scott's, but Scott sped up and found her again. Unfortunately for Scott, by this time an off-duty Harris County Sheriff's deputy was on the scene. He apparently got Scott to pull over, but as he approached her car, Scott hit the gas and allegedly ran over the cop's foot in the process.

Scott then abandoned that car, took off on foot and tried to commandeer a friend's car before getting caught again. Scott reportedly flunked some field-sobriety tests, but as is already plain, this is not the sort of woman who is willing to go gently into that good jail. It took no fewer than four cops to cuff-and-stuff the snarling hellcat, who was reportedly kicking and screaming curse words all the while.

Left in a squad car while cops took witness statements, Scott quieted down for a short while. And then she started up again with the kicking and screaming, punctuated with one final insult of another sort.

She pissed all over the back seat of the car, "almost as if she was taunting deputies," according to the Montgomery County Police ­Reporter.

In some cases, theologians believed anger was justified, and no Texan exemplifed the duality of sinful and righteous rage better than Brian Kerstetter, a 33-year-old thug with multiple convictions for violent crimes.

In his most recent case, Kerstetter was convicted of a federal hate crime after he and a few accomplices beat up a black man at a downtown Houston bus stop in 2011. That act pretty much epitomizes the Deadly Sin of Wrath. In asking the court for leniency (fruitlessly, we are pleased to add), Kerstetter did offer up an example of righteous hatred.

Despite his rap sheet and a bevy of white-power tats, Kerstetter tried to portray himself as a veritable Gandhi. "I'm not a hater," he told judge Kenneth Hoyt. "The only thing I truly hate in this world is the Dallas Cowboys."

Well said, Mr. Kerstetter, well said indeed. Still, even coupled with his apology to the court, it wasn't enough to stop the judge from giving him a stiff 77-month sentence. (Maybe Judge Hoyt is a Cowboy fan.)

Still, Kerstetter should count himself lucky he was not in Dante's circle of hell. There, the wrathful were dismembered alive again and again.

PRIDE

Pride was believed to be the worst of the Seven Deadlies, the font from which all others sprang. Indeed, Hell itself was founded by Lucifer, once God's most beloved angel, and he landed there because of his own excessive Pride.

In Texas 2012, Pride wenteth before the following falls...

After getting arrested for aggravated assault of a family member, Arlon Wayne Hough posed for his mugshot in a shirt reading "This is what a GREAT FATHER looks like."

Convicted Waco murderer John Carl Arabie was angered when the judge refused to allow him to wear a full-length rabbit-fur pimp coat to his sentencing.

Booked into jail yet again, frequent Trinity County ne'er-do-well Jonathan Thompson had an awkward moment explaining his latest tat, one that taunted the chief county constable thusly: "Woody Wallace Can Suck My Dick."

Another Trinity County man, 27-year-old Justin Everett Rowe, couldn't resist taunting the local constabulary in an even more asinine and criminal way. Police there say a drunken Rowe keyed a patrol car at a county fair while the deputy was still inside it, thus earning himself a quick collar and a state-jail felony charge of criminal mischief.

Ultimately, though, 2012 was the year Texas criminals learned to boastfully incriminate themselves on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn in new and exciting ways.

Take Spring's Lindsay Ann Grice. After her arrest in connection with a north Harris County meth fire, her LinkedIn profile came to light, one in which she described herself as a "Chemicals Professional" and "Baller at Self-Employed," who was up for everything from "consulting offers" and "new ventures" to "expertise requests" and "business deals."

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4 comments
lineardyna
lineardyna

Excellent story - I learned something from it, e.g. hoarding = greed. Early in the New Year of 2013 is as good a time as any to review the "seven deadlies." Though not all of us are at all likely to do any of these sins exactly the same way, IMHO we need to periodically perform a self-appraisal to see where we may be missing the mark and it sure couldn't hurt to try to learn from the mistakes of others especially since we won't live long enough to make them all ourselves.

Schitt.Rumpney
Schitt.Rumpney

The "man and his dog".....why did I have to read itn..lol

HeyYoJos
HeyYoJos

@bomani_jones @smartfootball @blackmanusa Want all 50 states rt @hairballsnews 2012: The Year in #Texas Crimes http://t.co/WJUhGDhg

Geezy
Geezy

"It's something that you really can't imagine. I see my neighbor out there with his pants down — molesting my dog. I wasn't prepared to see that that morning,"

This killed me when I read it, hahaha. Lomax you should consider doing a "memorable quotes" 1 off to this article here, considering the stupidity of some of these crimes I'm sure there's some great ones. 

Awesome way to sum up the year. Hilarious. 

 
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