Texas Crimes of the Year, 2012

As it turns out, Texans indulged in all seven of the deadly sins.

Then there were College Station lovebirds Gina Noel Wilfong and Joseph Woods Smith. Two weeks after her arrest for vandalizing her ex-boyfriend's Jeep, the following rants were still up on Wilfong's Facebook page. (She did have the sense to use an alias: Lily Anderson.):

Wilfong/Anderson: "Smashed the rear-view on David's brand-new Jeep he pissed me off and was talking shit about me online...He messed with the wrong pussy-cat."

Smith: Haha I love you babe! You go girl!

Smith: Breaking glass is an awesome stress reliever

Wilfong/Anderson: ikr

Wilfong/Anderson: Fucking little prick show him whos boss

Wilfong/Anderson: Dont fuck with me

Smith: Yeah you did! What a great night spent together

Bryan cops were already on her trail when that Facebragging idiocy hit the Net, and it was duly handed over to the cops by the ex. Wilfong and/or Smith vandalized the Jeep twice more before they were nabbed. Total damage to the Jeep is estimated at $1,700, which makes the offense Wilfong and Smith allegedly committed a state-jail felony punishable by up to two years in jail.

But Lamar University undergrad Mahogany ­Mason-Kelly was easily our favorite colossally stupid Internet idiot of the year. In April, ­Mason-Kelly deemed it wise to tweet the following cop taunt:

"I still gotta warrant in pearland..those pigs will NEVER catch me!!!...Never!!!"

As Rich Connelly wrote at the time, "We immediately pictured 'I'm Homer Simpson, the most powerful food critic in town, who will never get his comeuppance! You hear me? No comeuppance! [turns to the camera] We'll be right back.'"

Mason-Kelly's comeuppance came soon enough. Pearland cops found the offending tweet and forwarded it to Lamar University cops, who promptly arrested her. It then came to light that she not only had the Pearland warrants but that she had also given Houston cops her sister's name when they stopped her last year. We're a little shocked she didn't tweet something like "Those idiot pigs at HPD still think I am my sister, and my ruse will never be uncovered. NEVER!!!"

Dante believed that the prideful were punished by being burdened with heavy loads of stone on their backs so that they might learn humility. Maybe today he would just shut down all their social media accounts for all eternity.

John.lomax@houstonpress.com

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4 comments
lineardyna
lineardyna

Excellent story - I learned something from it, e.g. hoarding = greed. Early in the New Year of 2013 is as good a time as any to review the "seven deadlies." Though not all of us are at all likely to do any of these sins exactly the same way, IMHO we need to periodically perform a self-appraisal to see where we may be missing the mark and it sure couldn't hurt to try to learn from the mistakes of others especially since we won't live long enough to make them all ourselves.

Schitt.Rumpney
Schitt.Rumpney

The "man and his dog".....why did I have to read itn..lol

HeyYoJos
HeyYoJos

@bomani_jones @smartfootball @blackmanusa Want all 50 states rt @hairballsnews 2012: The Year in #Texas Crimes http://t.co/WJUhGDhg

Geezy
Geezy

"It's something that you really can't imagine. I see my neighbor out there with his pants down — molesting my dog. I wasn't prepared to see that that morning,"

This killed me when I read it, hahaha. Lomax you should consider doing a "memorable quotes" 1 off to this article here, considering the stupidity of some of these crimes I'm sure there's some great ones. 

Awesome way to sum up the year. Hilarious. 

 
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