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The Geto Boys MC is also Rocks Off's brand-new advice columnist.

Kill Us Now, Please

Bad Neighbors
Five songs you should be evicted for playing.

Corey Deiterman

Our new advice columnist
Courtesy of Willie D
Our new advice columnist
Jay-Z's music "just doesn't seem appealing to me, not even for entertainment purposes," says a woman on our panel.
Marco Torres
Jay-Z's music "just doesn't seem appealing to me, not even for entertainment purposes," says a woman on our panel.

Recently Britain's NME reported on a man so utterly obsessed with the Spice Girls song "Viva Forever" that he played it over and over and over again, until he pissed off his neighbors and landlord so much that they kicked him out of his apartment. I've heard of people losing their apartments for playing metal or rock and roll too loud, but the Spice Girls?

And was "Viva Forever" even that big of a hit? Maybe in the UK?

Who knows what possessed this man to sacrifice his domicile in the name of Spicefever, but clearly the masses — or at least this poor bloke's neighbors — have spoken in a fit of democracy: "Viva Forever" is awful, and evidently now grounds for eviction. In that spirit, I've got a few other suggestions for songs that ought to be expressly forbidden in your average apartment lease, for the sake of all human sanity.

Drowning Pool, "Bodies": Ah yes, our good old friends from Dallas. Drowning Pool wasn't one of the worst bands to come out of that whole nu-metal/post-grunge movement in the late '90s and early '00s. They also weren't the best. On the other hand, "Bodies" is so ridiculously repetitive that it feels like you've heard the song ten times in the span of one listen.

Sublime, "Santeria": Ever been in a car with stoners? Prepare yourself to hear this song a good ten times in a row. I think we've all been there at some point. The good thing is you eventually reach your destination and it finally ends.

But imagine living next door to stoners. There's no reason for them ever to turn it off! Great for them, maddening for anyone in surrounding apartments who isn't baked.

Starship, "We Built This City on Rock and Roll": Why does this song always make lists of most annoying or flat-out worst songs of all time? Because it's literally that bad. I would much prefer to have hot oil poured down my ear canals than to hear this song more than once a decade.

Dido, "Thank You": This one is personal. I once had a roommate who played this song ad nauseam. I think I had done something to incite this cruel and unusual torture, but I don't remember. All I remember, and all I'm capable of remembering now, is the lyrics. You might not think it's so bad the first time, but trust me, by the 50th you'll hate it, too.

Journey, "Don't Stop Believing": With apologies to all this song's fans, it needs to die. Now. Look, I know it was pretty cool when The Sopranos and then Family Guy revived it out of the depths of obscurity and made it a nationwide craze, but can I please just go anywhere that plays music without hearing it at least once? At this point, if I were your landlord, you wouldn't get through "just a small-town girl" before you would be out the door, believe me.

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1 comments
gdsmithtx
gdsmithtx

Sheldon:   Or you could, y'know, keep your cool and not fight with her, or at least not in front of the boy.  It takes 2 people to argue; if you don't play her game, both you and the boy win.  If you continue to fall prey to her ploys, or worse remove yourself from your son's life, both you and the boy lose, especially the boy.  And then you probably become the source of a lifetime's worth of problems for the boy.

It's really a no-brainer.

 
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